t and went away. So
that's the story, Alyosha; I know it by heart, for I am that wicked woman
myself. I boasted to Rakitin that I had given away an onion, but to you
I'll say: 'I've done nothing but give away one onion all my life, that's
the only good deed I've done.' So don't praise me, Alyosha, don't think me
good, I am bad, I am a wicked woman and you make me ashamed if you praise
me. Eh, I must confess everything. Listen, Alyosha. I was so anxious to
get hold of you that I promised Rakitin twenty-five roubles if he would
bring you to me. Stay, Rakitin, wait!"

She went with rapid steps to the table, opened a drawer, pulled out a
purse and took from it a twenty-five rouble note.

"What nonsense! What nonsense!" cried Rakitin, disconcerted.

"Take it. Rakitin, I owe it you, there's no fear of your refusing it, you
asked for it yourself." And she threw the note to him.

"Likely I should refuse it," boomed Rakitin, obviously abashed, but
carrying off his confusion with a swagger. "That will come in very handy;
fools are made for wise men's profit."

"And now hold your tongue, Rakitin, what I am going to say now is not for
your ears. Sit down in that corner and keep quiet. You don't like us, so
hold your tongue."

"What should I like you for?" Rakitin snarled, not concealing his
ill-humor. He put the twenty-five rouble note in his pocket and he felt
ashamed at Alyosha's seeing it. He had reckoned on receiving his payment
later, without Alyosha's knowing of it, and now, feeling ashamed, he lost
his temper. Till that moment he had thought it discreet not to contradict
Grushenka too flatly in spite of her snubbing, since he had something to
get out of her. But now he, too, was angry:

"One loves people for some reason, but what have either of you done for
me?"

"You should love people without a reason, as Alyosha does."

"How does he love you? How has he shown it, that you make such a fuss
about it?"

Grushenka was standing in the middle of the room; she spoke with heat and
there were hysterical notes in her voice.

"Hush, Rakitin, you know nothing about us! And don't dare to speak to me
like that again. How dare you be so familiar! Sit in that corner and be
quiet, as though you were my footman! And now, Alyosha, I'll tell you the
whole truth, that you may see what a wretch I am! I am not talking to
Rakitin, but to you. I wanted to ruin you, Alyosha, that's the holy truth;
I quite meant to. I wanted to so much