a little ashamed
yourself, now.... I see it by your eyes." Kolya smiled with a sort of sly
happiness.

"Why ashamed?"

"Well, why are you blushing?"

"It was you made me blush," laughed Alyosha, and he really did blush. "Oh,
well, I am a little, goodness knows why, I don't know..." he muttered,
almost embarrassed.

"Oh, how I love you and admire you at this moment just because you are
rather ashamed! Because you are just like me," cried Kolya, in positive
ecstasy. His cheeks glowed, his eyes beamed.

"You know, Kolya, you will be very unhappy in your life," something made
Alyosha say suddenly.

"I know, I know. How you know it all beforehand!" Kolya agreed at once.

"But you will bless life on the whole, all the same."

"Just so, hurrah! You are a prophet. Oh, we shall get on together,
Karamazov! Do you know, what delights me most, is that you treat me quite
like an equal. But we are not equals, no, we are not, you are better! But
we shall get on. Do you know, all this last month, I've been saying to
myself, 'Either we shall be friends at once, for ever, or we shall part
enemies to the grave!' "

"And saying that, of course, you loved me," Alyosha laughed gayly.

"I did. I loved you awfully. I've been loving and dreaming of you. And how
do you know it all beforehand? Ah, here's the doctor. Goodness! What will
he tell us? Look at his face!"

Chapter VII. Ilusha

The doctor came out of the room again, muffled in his fur coat and with
his cap on his head. His face looked almost angry and disgusted, as though
he were afraid of getting dirty. He cast a cursory glance round the
passage, looking sternly at Alyosha and Kolya as he did so. Alyosha waved
from the door to the coachman, and the carriage that had brought the
doctor drove up. The captain darted out after the doctor, and, bowing
apologetically, stopped him to get the last word. The poor fellow looked
utterly crushed; there was a scared look in his eyes.

"Your Excellency, your Excellency ... is it possible?" he began, but could
not go on and clasped his hands in despair. Yet he still gazed imploringly
at the doctor, as though a word from him might still change the poor boy's
fate.

"I can't help it, I am not God!" the doctor answered offhand, though with
the customary impressiveness.

"Doctor ... your Excellency ... and will it be soon, soon?"

"You must be prepared for anything," said the doctor in emphatic and
incisive tones, and dropping