ve said it, if I had
known. I should have praised it. Poets are all so irritable,' he said. In
short, he laughed at him under cover of the most gentlemanly tone. He
explained to me afterwards that it was all sarcastic. I thought he was in
earnest. Only as I lay there, just as before you now, I thought, 'Would
it, or would it not, be the proper thing for me to turn Rakitin out for
shouting so rudely at a visitor in my house?' And, would you believe it, I
lay here, shut my eyes, and wondered, would it be the proper thing or not.
I kept worrying and worrying, and my heart began to beat, and I couldn't
make up my mind whether to make an outcry or not. One voice seemed to be
telling me, 'Speak,' and the other 'No, don't speak.' And no sooner had
the second voice said that than I cried out, and fainted. Of course, there
was a fuss. I got up suddenly and said to Rakitin, 'It's painful for me to
say it, but I don't wish to see you in my house again.' So I turned him
out. Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong. I was putting it
on. I wasn't angry with him at all, really; but I suddenly fancied--that
was what did it--that it would be such a fine scene.... And yet, believe
me, it was quite natural, for I really shed tears and cried for several
days afterwards, and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all about it.
So it's a fortnight since he's been here, and I kept wondering whether he
would come again. I wondered even yesterday, then suddenly last night came
this _Gossip_. I read it and gasped. Who could have written it? He must
have written it. He went home, sat down, wrote it on the spot, sent it,
and they put it in. It was a fortnight ago, you see. But, Alyosha, it's
awful how I keep talking and don't say what I want to say. Ah! the words
come of themselves!"

"It's very important for me to be in time to see my brother to-day,"
Alyosha faltered.

"To be sure, to be sure! You bring it all back to me. Listen, what is an
aberration?"

"What aberration?" asked Alyosha, wondering.

"In the legal sense. An aberration in which everything is pardonable.
Whatever you do, you will be acquitted at once."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you. This Katya ... Ah! she is a charming, charming creature,
only I never can make out who it is she is in love with. She was with me
some time ago and I couldn't get anything out of her. Especially as she
won't talk to me except on the surface now. She is always talking about my
he