... though it's
perfectly disgraceful for any one to be gushing directly they are pleased,
I know that. But I am convinced now that you don't despise me; it was all
my imagination. Oh, Karamazov, I am profoundly unhappy. I sometimes fancy
all sorts of things, that every one is laughing at me, the whole world,
and then I feel ready to overturn the whole order of things."

"And you worry every one about you," smiled Alyosha.

"Yes, I worry every one about me, especially my mother. Karamazov, tell
me, am I very ridiculous now?"

"Don't think about that, don't think of it at all!" cried Alyosha. "And
what does ridiculous mean? Isn't every one constantly being or seeming
ridiculous? Besides, nearly all clever people now are fearfully afraid of
being ridiculous, and that makes them unhappy. All I am surprised at is
that you should be feeling that so early, though I've observed it for some
time past, and not only in you. Nowadays the very children have begun to
suffer from it. It's almost a sort of insanity. The devil has taken the
form of that vanity and entered into the whole generation; it's simply the
devil," added Alyosha, without a trace of the smile that Kolya, staring at
him, expected to see. "You are like every one else," said Alyosha, in
conclusion, "that is, like very many others. Only you must not be like
everybody else, that's all."

"Even if every one is like that?"

"Yes, even if every one is like that. You be the only one not like it. You
really are not like every one else, here you are not ashamed to confess to
something bad and even ridiculous. And who will admit so much in these
days? No one. And people have even ceased to feel the impulse to
self-criticism. Don't be like every one else, even if you are the only
one."

"Splendid! I was not mistaken in you. You know how to console one. Oh, how
I have longed to know you, Karamazov! I've long been eager for this
meeting. Can you really have thought about me, too? You said just now that
you thought of me, too?"

"Yes, I'd heard of you and had thought of you, too ... and if it's partly
vanity that makes you ask, it doesn't matter."

"Do you know, Karamazov, our talk has been like a declaration of love,"
said Kolya, in a bashful and melting voice. "That's not ridiculous, is
it?"

"Not at all ridiculous, and if it were, it wouldn't matter, because it's
been a good thing." Alyosha smiled brightly.

"But do you know, Karamazov, you must admit that you are