inking of Jesus--exchanging, as it were, sweet confidences with
Him, telling Him what I thought, and endeavouring in every
possible way to follow His manner of thought. I am ashamed to say
I was very remiss and lazy in prayers; upon my knees I prayed very
little indeed. But I was very faithful and warm and tender to Him in
my heart, and this had an effect upon my mind and actions, and
continued for two years.

I would be assailed by many questionings during this time. For
instance, how could my sweet Jesus, whom I was always so near to,
be the mighty Christ and God? But I dropped these out as they came,
feeling myself altogether too small to understand these things, and
very much frightened by such greatnesses.

When I was alone with Jesus, all was so simple and so lovely; so I
put away all other thoughts and held closely to Jesus.

This having continued almost exactly the two years, upon Easter
morning, at the close of the service, the horrible anguish came on
me again as I knelt in the church. I was not able to move or to show
my face for more than an hour; and to this day I am not able to dwell
upon the memory of that awful pain, for I think I should go mad if I
had to enter again into so great a torture of the spirit. I endured to
the utmost limit of my capacity for suffering--for this I will say of
myself, I did not draw back, but went on to the bitter end. And the
suffering was caused by the sight of that most terrible of all sights:
the vision of myself as over against the vision of Jesus Christ, and I
died a death for every fault. Whoever has felt the true wailing of the
soul, such an one knows the heights of all spiritual pain. The heart
and mind, or creature, suffers in depths; but the soul in heights, and
this at one and the same time, so that the pain of repentance is
everywhere. And the depth of the suffering of the creature is coequal
with the height of the suffering of the soul, and the joint suffering of
both would seem to be of coequal promise and merit for their after
joy and glory; so that it would seem that the more horrible our pain,
the quicker is our deliverance and the greater our later joys.

After this, Jesus, without my knowing how it came about, passed out
from the Perfect Man into the Christ of God. I walked and talked
with Him no longer just as sweet Jesus, but as the Marvellous and
Mighty Risen Lord! And now I became far more changed. The
world and all earthly loves began to fade; they