m.

* * *

Is the temporary loss of grace our fault, or is it a deliberate
withdrawal and testing upon His part? Both. Every condition that we
are in which is not pure and perfect of its kind, such as pure peace,
pure joy, pure harmony, is because of failure on our part to _hold_
to Him. Whenever, and for so long, as we keep ourselves in the
single and simple condition of mind and heart necessary for the
perception and reception of Him, for just so long shall we receive
and perceive him; but this condition again we cannot maintain
without grace. All loss of joy, of serenity, of contact, is failure, then,
on our part or withdrawal upon His. Yet we learn a bitter but useful
lesson by these losses of ability for connection. To return
ignominiously to our dust is a most bitter humiliation and trial--indeed,
a desolation. Now, if we did not so return we might suppose
ourselves able, of our own power, not only to achieve momentary
connection with the Divine, but to remain at will in this sublime
condition, by which I mean in a state bordering upon ecstasy. The
withdrawal of grace therefore would seem to be a necessary part of
the education and of the constant humbling of the soul. To find
ourselves, of our own unaided capacity, by the mere force of our
own will, able to constantly go up to so high a level would
inevitably foster pride; indeed, to attain such a capacity would seem
to place us on a level with the angels!

By these withdrawals of grace, which came at first very tenderly, but
gradually with greater and greater severity, I have learnt this: that in
spite of all that has been done for me, of all that I have experienced,
in spite of all the heights to which at times I have been raised, I
remain nothing better than the frailest and unworthiest thing! The
sight of an ugly grey cloud, momentarily and gloriously illumined
by the sun, is a sufficient illustration of the temporary
transformation of our own selves touched by the light and the glory
of God.

For the carrying out of His plan, it would seem to be His good
pleasure that we are just what we are--not angels, but little human
things, full of simplicity and trust and love. "Like dear children," as
St Paul says; and yet, oh! wonder of wonders! _far more than this._
For whilst we patiently wait, from time to time He stoops and
embraces the soul in an infinite bliss, in which we are no more
children, but are caught up into High Love.

At first when we begin t