to my poor mind and heart it
seemed nothing more hopeful than a going from bad to worse!

All the pictures I have seen, either of the Crucifixion or the Way of
the Cross (and especially those of more recent times and painting),
portray His Blessed Face all worn with gloom; and I know now that
this is far from the truth. For perfect love knows agony, but no
gloom. He went through all His agony, lifted high above gloom, in a
great ecstasy of love for us.

To speak of _sacrifice_ in connection with following Him is, to my
mind, the work of a very foolish person and one in danger of being
blasphemous. For how dare we say that it is a sacrifice when, by the
putting away of foolish desires, we find God! And to find God,
through the following of Jesus Christ, is to _gain so much_ (even in
this world, and without waiting for the next) that those who gain it
never cease to be amazed at the vastness of it.

We find this to be an absolute truth, that if we have not Him we
have, and are, nothing, in comparison with that which we are and
that which we have when we have Him.

In my earlier stages I was greatly set back and disturbed by this
gloom and sacrifice (which is no sacrifice) of myself so put forward
by pulpit teaching. It was a great hindrance to me and blinded me to
the truth. I was only a normal, ordinary creature, and they thrust a
great burden into my arms.

Little by little, as I was able to learn directly from His own heart, I
came to know Him as He is; and I could not reconcile this
knowledge of Himself which He gave me, especially of His high
willingness and serenity, with pulpit teachings of heavy gloom. The
Church too frequently spoke to me of following Him in terms which
conveyed a burden: "Pick up thy cross, pick up thy cross!" they
cried; and He spoke to me in terms which conveyed a great joy:
"Come to Me, come to Me, for I love thee!"

I thought I was very cowardly and sinned by this inability to like the
gloomy burden, and one day I came upon this out of Jeremiah: "As
for the prophet, or the priest, or the people, that shall say, The
burden of the Lord, I will punish that man and his house . . . because
ye say, The burden of the Lord, I will utterly forget you and forsake
you, and cast you out of My presence."

These words of Jesus, "Take up thy cross and follow Me": whoever
will do it will be shown by Jesus that the cross of following Him is
no burden, but a deliverance, a finding of life, the way o