, after he has spent all
day Sunday and broken half the family tools fussing over a fractious
lock, to see his wife come along and pick it with one hand and a
hairpin.

WHENEVER a man makes up his mind to give up anything, from a woman to a
vice, it suddenly becomes so attractive to him that he begins to take a
new and violent interest in it.

THE hard part of separating from a husband or wife for summer vacation
is trying to look sorry about it when you say good-by at the station.

[Illustration]

TRAIN up a son in the way he should go--and then watch him go some other
woman's way.

MAKING hay while the sun shines is very tame sport beside making love
while the moon shines.

THE dollar sign is the only sign in which the modern man appears to have
any real faith.

IT IS a mistake to propose to a girl with whom you have been mooning all
morning on the beach until you discover whether that pang you feel is
really heart hunger or only the other kind of hunger; the two have such
similar effects.

YOU can lead a husband to the restaurant, but you can't make him order
champagne--unless it's another woman's husband.

[Illustration]

LOVE seldom follows marriage, unless marriage follows love.

WHEN a man says that "circumstances" have forced him to break his
engagement with you, it is pretty safe to conclude that "Circumstances"
wears smarter frocks or has a more fascinating way of doing her hair.

SOME bright day women will learn that it is as impossible to revive a
man's interest in a girl whom he has ceased to love as to make him want
stale champagne with all the fizz gone out of it.

ALL the great tragedies are written about the woman who isn't married to
some man, but ought to be; when as a matter of fact the most tragic
figure on earth is the woman who is married to him and oughtn't to be.

[Illustration]

THERE are two kinds of masculine hearts; the kind like a peach, soft and
impressionable on the outside, but stony at the core; and the kind like
a nut, seemingly impenetrable, but sweet and satisfying once you get
through the shell.

A MAN doesn't object to a girl who smokes cigarettes, wears three-ply
collars and calls him "old chap" because he considers her immoral, but
because he considers her just a bad imitation of himself.

A WOMAN can do nothing wrong, as long as a man is in love with her, and
nothing right after he ceases to be.

THE only way to be happy with a man is to have such blind f