e a street piano.

ONE whiff of an onion will do more to kill love than the breaking of the
ten commandments.

ALL a man demands of a woman is a knowledge of what she ought not to do,
what she ought not to say and what she ought not to think. All a woman
need know in order to wear a halo in her husband's eyes is how to keep
it on straight.

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MARRIED men should make the most successful fiction writers, because it
takes a highly developed imagination to invent a different story for
one's wife every night.

DON'T marry a man merely because he can write nice long, soul-satisfying
letters; wait until you find out if he can write equally nice long
satisfactory checks.

ONE man's folly is often another man's wife.

THE woman who makes a man perfectly happy is the one who cares just
enough to respond when he is interested and not enough to be interested
when he doesn't respond.

MARRIAGE is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with
chopsticks; it looks so easy until you try it.

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A MARRIED woman is always impressionable, because she has become so used
to a total abstinence from flattery that a compliment from a man goes to
her head like wine to the head of the teetotaler.

REFINEMENT is what makes a man turn on his heel and go off to the club
instead of staying at home and having a good, old-fashioned row with his
wife.

THE man who keeps his sentiment bottled up and his money lying in the
bank is so narrow that he wouldn't take a broad view of anything, even
if he saw it on a bargain counter at half price.

THE biggest, boldest man that ever lived is built like a barge, and any
little woman who puffs up steam enough can attach him to her and tow him
all the way up the river of life.

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A MAN is always able to restrain his jealousy as long as his wife wears
untrimmed cotton flannel lingerie.

TAKE a spoonful of violet perfume, a pound or so of lace, a dash of
music, and serve under a summer moon--and almost any man will call it
"love."

A WIFE always feels perfectly safe in going driving with her husband,
because she knows by sad experience that he will devote both hands and
all his attention to the horses.

A MAN whom wild horses cannot drag from the path of duty will sometimes
get so tangled up in a pink ribbon that he will trip and fall right out
of it.

KISSES are love's assets, quarrels its liabilities.

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BEAUTIES of