he never seems to despair of warming over the light menu
and making it do for a regular diet.

[Illustration]

WHY is a woman always so jealous of her husband's stenographer when his
real affinity is just as likely to be somebody else's stenographer?

IT IS not a man's morals but the manners that make him comfortable or
otherwise to live with. A burglar or an embezzler can make his wife
fairly happy if he will be prompt to dinner, agreeable at breakfast and
will put up the portieres with a pleasant smile.

NOTHING makes a woman so green with envy and mortification as her
husband's ability to turn over and snore five minutes after they have
had an exciting quarrel.

OLD love, like old lamps, is apt to burn low and fitfully; it takes a
new heart interest now and then to keep up the glow of life.

[Illustration]

THE balance of power in the family usually goes to the husband or wife
who has the largest balance in the bank.

AMONG a man's sweethearts the first shall never be last, and the last
can always be sure that she isn't the first.

THE larger a man's girth the more expensive his flirtations; nothing but
orchids and grand opera tickets can make a girl forget real embonpoint
long enough to be sentimental.

MEN don't talk about one another as women do--perhaps because they find
it so much more interesting to talk about themselves.

A FRANK husband and a kodak fiend teach a woman that truth is indeed
stranger and more terrible than fiction.

[Illustration]

ONE touch of highball makes the whole world spin.

A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that it gets out of working
condition the minute he comes near a pretty woman.

THE man who kisses a woman at the first opportunity is either a fool or
a cad; the man who waits for the second opportunity is a philosopher;
the man who waits for the third opportunity is a speculator; and the man
who waits any longer is--a freak.

THE girl who has entertained her fiance every evening for a three years'
engagement may console herself with the hope that she won't be liable to
see so much of him after marriage.

'TIS best for a man to be square, but a woman is more lucky to be round.

[Illustration]

WHEN a man has waked up the whole family and half the neighborhood
flinging empty beer bottles at a cat on the back fence he feels so
refreshed that he can go right back to sleep and snore straight through
a fire or a thunderstorm.

IN the face of a man's childlik