t is practical
to keep in certain lines. No conditions on earth would hamper me
mentally and I want to get life-proof through living."

"How I hate business! More and more I am beginning to think less and
less of what one accomplishes materially in this life. What does it
matter? I think it is less help to be able to help those about one a
little materially and be more or less a nonentity as an individual
than to be able to mean something as a person with a heart and
comprehension. There are some beautiful things in this life that
everything organized tries to make hideous and monstrous and I would
always say 'gather ye roses while ye may.' I think that every one
has almost a right to some happiness and a certain indulgence and the
'droit de temperament,' means something and need not always be
selfish. If you do not think this, then there is only the other
extreme of austere abnegation of self for any cause however trivial.
Nature is the only guide and I don't believe Nature is bad. Of
course the curse of freedom will allow one for a long time to distort
and vilely modify natural instincts, but at least one can fly from
the too palpable artificial. Dear Poodie, don't sigh. I only let
off steam in words--that is safe. I am still a slave to this
disgusting civilization and always your very devoted 'Perfect One',
that is to be, or might have been, Nelka."

Sofia 1900.

"I really ought not to talk because I don't give myself the trouble
to put my thoughts on general things in order and in every comment I
always have the desire to embrace everything. I follow my own
thoughts but love the immediate point and my brain is not in the
proper condition to command its own vagaries."

Sofia 1900.

"What a delightful and full summer I have had. I can only reiterate
that I am satisfied. I have had so much. Given my nature and my
life, more than anyone I know. I may be mistaken in everything but I
never doubt my application when I am about to act. Perhaps I will
some day, but I don't think so. I have learned a certain 'science de
la vie,' meaning this time the artificial, irrational life that is
practiced and that I despise. Apart from this I have my own notion
of real life and that is my own luxury. When I write so it sounds so
big and so out of place for a girl, I always regret saying anything.
If what I think means anything it will be shown in my life and so far
my life is only a selfish, soft existence, so perhaps that is al