ered to be a vocation and as such
could therefore not be paid. All sisters received their maintenance
and clothing from the community but no pay.

St. Petersburg 1906.

"I have just received your letter telling me of Trenar's death."
(Trenar was a borsoi dog which Nelka had and left in Cazenovia. This
was before she had her poodle Tibi.) "Mrs. Lockman wrote me some time
ago that he was very sick with distemper but had not written me
since. Useless to say how I feel. Everyone does not feel the appeal
of a dog's affection in the same degree, and with me it is as strong
as anything I know. Trenar in his devotion was exceptional, and not
to have been with him when he was sick--I simply can't think of it. I
didn't do anything that I should have with him. It was wrong to
leave him. I love dogs and Trenar was something very special. I
didn't do what I should with him and in every way I am perfectly
miserable about it, but it is useless of it--that is all. I know you
feel sorry for the way I feel, but how I feel you can't know and it
must seem out of place to you. Anyway I feel it and I reproach
myself. I just wish I could have been with him. I will never forget
his attachment--dear little Trenar."

St. Petersburg 1906.

"But I don't suppose you can conceive how I feel the autocracy, the
Emperor. I don't care what I think; I feel autocracy and the Emperor
simply not a human being to me. I read this and thought you would
like it: 'Sow an act and you reap habit; sow a habit and you reap a
character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.'"

St. Petersburg 1906.

"For the last two weeks I have been all the time on duty with the
operated cases. This last week I was on night duty every night except
last night when I had to sleep to be on duty today. I am so tired of
fussing with myself; it makes me so angry not to be a perfect
machine. The things to do are all the same--the way to be is the
same, and yet there is so much thinking, choosing, deciding,
worrying. So few things matter, and so much should not have a
moment's consideration. Nine tenths of all the shackling
considerations should simply never rise to consciousness."

St. Petersburg 1906.

"On Xmas there was a big tree for all the soldiers who could walk and
then there were a lot of little trees all arranged with presents for
each room where the soldiers could not leave their beds. It was said
in the morning that nothing would be done on Xmas--no dressings,
noth