led my
'chancellery' which has an immense big writing table, another table,
three chairs, bells and excellent light and telephone. I spend most
of the time in it when I am not going the rounds on a rampage. I
like to know that my food costs only 15 cents a day."

During some time in 1914 I was very ill in Petersburg. My mother was
at the same time in bed with the flu and unable to take care of me,
so in desperation she telegraphed to Nelka in Kovno and Nelka arrived
immediately.

Kovno 1914.

"I spent three days in Petersburg, arriving there finding both Veta
and Max very ill. Max with fever of 104 or more. Max had all kinds of
complications afterwards ending in an abscess in the ear. I looked
after him for three days and nights and then Veta got up."

Kovno 1914.

"Every day I live the more insoluble everything seems and the more
convinced I am of the insolubility of everything. There are lovely
things and tracks in life and humanity, but as a whole the latter is
so loathsome and life so sad and dreadful. I feel a terrible fatigue
of life and it seems to me that all my energy is simply restless,
except the energy to denounce. If I live a hundred years ten times
over I think my feeling of indignation for some things will never
diminish."

Always still feeling the loss of Tibi, Nelka did not seem to be able
to get reconciled. She wrote to her aunt:

Kovno 1914.

"I have just the interest of having begun the thing and wishing to
see it permanently established, as I have started it, but at bottom I
don't care what happens to anything, and I am only thankful I have
had my thoughts arrested momentarily. I had no right to complain of
anything or wish for anything as long as Tibi was alive, and what
torments me most is not my grief but that Tibi should have suffered.
I don't understand anything and I only live in hope and helplessness.
I can bear the grief of Tibi's death but I cannot get reconciled to
the conditions of it."

During that winter my mother moved from the country where we were
living to Petersburg, and Nelka happened to be with us when this took
place and took part in the moving. Here is some of the description of
the event:

Kovno 1914.

"We followed the next day with a dog and a cat. Veta, Max and I with
all the baggage, a parrot 'Tommy' and two small birds in separate
cages. I tried to look out for all three and froze my fingers off
holding one cage and another that I wrapped up in my shawl. A