the maximum according to one's understanding. A very
admirable conception but one which it is not easy to accept by most
who only seek results and often with means which might not be the
right ones. The concept that the end justifies the means was
certainly the absolute opposite of what she was either seeking or
believing.

It took courage to advocate such beliefs and even perhaps more
courage to be able to turn around and so fundamentally change the
beliefs from the ones held to the ones now accepted. But the concept
of accepting only that which one understands at the given time,
applied just as much to the beliefs first held as to the ones
ultimately accepted.

Nelka was never afraid physically, but she was also never afraid
morally.

I think after our marriage and also the circumstances of the
Revolution Nelka lost some of her restlessness. Marriage for better
or worse was an achievement and carried with it an obligation and a
purpose. She took the acceptance of marriage as a completeness and a
fusion of two persons into one. This in itself was an anchor which
held back the former restlessness.

Also the Russia she loved so was gone as a practical and possible
entity and only a memory of a past devotion remained. Therefore, both
marriage and the Revolution brought about a stabilization of feelings
and a concentration as well. There was less possible diversion and
this brought a mental calm and satisfaction. There was less searching
or even the necessity for it.

Her loyalty to the principles of marriage was complete like
everything else in her life to which she never gave less than
completeness. She always was looking for one hundred percent and
nothing less would do.

In later years of her life and after our marriage, Nelka settled much
more mentally and morally and seemed to find many of the answers she
had so long been seeking. And this, not because of the external
differences of life or the establishment of a marital status, but
rather as the result of certain new currents of thought which came as
a result of the study of Theosophy and the wisdom of the East.

While I cannot claim any personal influence which I may have
contributed, there certainly was no divergence and thus no upsetting
uncertainties. I think we were blessed in that way that we helped
each other and followed largely the same path of mental analysis hand
in hand.

I feel and consider that I was exceptionally privileged in my life to