platform.

If my reader happens to be much under the medium height, and rather
broad in proportion, I would warn him not to buy his shirts ready-made.
I cannot understand the idea of measurement that leads a shirtmaker to
cut out a shirt taking the circumference of the neck as a basis. I know
a man about six feet high who has a neck like a walking-stick. If he
bought a shirt on the shirtmakers' system, it would barely act as a
chest-preserver; and on the other hand, this shirt in question, as I
said before, certainly fitted me round the neck, but I nearly stepped on
the sleeves as I went off the platform at the close of my lecture, and
some of the audience must think to this day that I am a conjuror, and
that on this occasion I was going to show them some card trick with the
aid of my sleeves, which would have been invaluable to the Heathen
Chinee. Indeed, this is not the only time I have been suspected of being
a sort of necromancer.

I had a friend who was so anxious to improve his artistic knowledge that
he used to come night after night with me to hear my lecture on "Art."
It frequently happened that there was not a seat to spare in the hall,
and on these occasions he used to come up on the platform and sit behind
the screen, where he could see the pictures just the same. I think on
the particular night I refer to I was delivering a lecture on
"Portraiture," and at a certain passage I show a very flattering
portrait, supposed to be the work of an old master. The portrait having
appeared, I then dwelt upon the original, and pointed out "that no
doubt, if we could see the original of this portrait, if we could see
again the man who sat for it, I would not hesitate to say that we would
be alarmed at the inconsistency of pictorial art. I will show you,
ladies and gentlemen, what I imagine this gentleman must have been
like!"

As I was speaking, some old gentleman in the side gallery had either
fallen asleep or was very excited by my remarks, for he somehow jerked
the cord which fastened the top of the screen to the gallery, and snap
went the cord and down came the screen! Behind it there was an expanse
of empty platform, with a semi-circular seat, and on it sat my friend,
the enthusiast on art, fast asleep! The limelight, no longer checked by
the screen, fell full upon him, and the rounds of applause which
followed showed me that my unrehearsed effect, which might have ruined
the evening, had made it instead a great