casion and made a long and elaborate
speech upon the subject at heart. He went on speaking from about
thirty-five to forty minutes. When he sat down the gentleman who had
arrived from London to give his lecture on "Wit and Humour" simply rose
and said: "Ladies and gentlemen,--I have the honour this evening to
propose a vote of thanks to our member for his very interesting address
upon the subject of 'Three Acres and a Cow.'" Someone else got up and
seconded the motion, and it was carried unanimously amid great laughter
and cheering. Then the chairman rose and began thanking the audience for
the compliment they had paid him, and for the kind way in which they had
listened to him. And a twelve-month later it dawned upon him that he was
only the chairman of the meeting. This may be a pure invention, but it
is the story as I heard it.

[Illustration: CHAIRMAN NO. 1.]

A story is told of a distinguished irritable Scotch lecturer who on one
occasion had the misfortune to meet with a loquacious chairman, the
presiding genius actually speaking for a whole hour in "introducing" the
lecturer, winding up by saying: "It is unnecessary for me to say more,
so I call upon the talented gentleman who has come so far to give us his
address to-night." The lecturer came forward: "You want my address. I'll
give it to you: 322, Rob Roy Crescent, Edinburgh--and I am just off
there now. Good-night!"

I cannot vouch for the truth of either of these stories. However, I have
known chairmen myself who were very nearly as bad. I remember one--I
think he was a doctor--who rose to introduce me. Instead of two or three
minutes he took ten or twelve minutes. Of course he said I was very well
known, and went on with some very flattering remarks about my work, and
then he added: "Ah, how well I remember--yes, ladies and gentlemen, how
well I remember years ago those political sketches of the late Doyle
and others, and when I think that in years to come that Mr. Furniss's
attempts will be handed down to our children as I may say, recording the
great events of the time we are passing through. Yes, let us see what
the value will be to our children to know that Mr. Gladstone
once--("Order, order," and "Hear, hear")--that, I say, Mr.
Gladstone--(cries of "Sit down, we have not come to hear you")--that, I
say, Mr. Gladstone, the grand old man of our time--("Sit down, sit down,
sit down, we have not come to hear you--sit down")--Yes, and when I say
that Lord