"'ARRY."

I should like to confess my real reason for going on to the platform.
The fact is that for many years I was mistaken in the country,
particularly in Liverpool, Leeds and Bradford, for an artist who signed
political caricatures "H. F.," and whose name, strange to say, is Harold
Furniss. I understand he is about twice my size. So that I thought if I
showed myself in public, particularly in the provinces, it would be seen
that I was not this Mr. Harold Furniss. Now, unfortunately, on the stage
or platform I look tall--in fact, bets have been made that I am over six
feet high. On three or four occasions after I have left the platform or
the stage I have had to grant an interview to gentlemen who have made
bets on this point. The explanation is, however, simple enough: as there
is no one on the stage or platform but myself, there is nothing to give
my height, so the particular object of my appearing in public was
frustrated.

[Illustration: DOWN WITH DRYASDUST.]

CHAPTER XII.

MY CONFESSIONS AS A "REFORMER."

Portraiture Past and Present--The National Portrait Gallery
Scandal--Fashionable Portraiture--The Price of an
Autograph--Marquis Tseng--"So That's My Father!"--Sala Attacks
Me--My Retort--Du Maurier's Little Joke--My Speech--What I Said and
What I Did Not Say--Fury of Sala--The Great Six-Toe Trial--Lockwood
Serious--My Little Joke--Nottingham Again--Prince of
Journalists--Royal Academy Antics--An Earnest Confession--My
Object--My Lady Oil--Congratulations--Confirmations--The Tate
Gallery--The Proposed Banquet--The P.R.A. and Modern Art--My
Confessions in the Central Criminal Court--Cricket in the
Park--Reform!--All About that Snake--The Discovery--The
Capture--Safe--The Press--Mystery--Evasive--Experts--I
Retaliate--The _Westminster Gazette_--The Schoolboy--The
Scare--Sensation--Death--Matters Zoological--Modern
Inconveniences--Do Women Fail in Art?--Wanted a Wife.

[Illustration: _From a Photo by Debenham & Gould._]

My attack upon the National Portrait Gallery was in the form of a
lecture entitled "Portraiture Past and Present." I found the subject so
large, so complicated, I may say so octopus-like, embracing such varied
periods and phases, and throwing forth its arms or ramifications in so
many directions, that I soon discovered I was struggling with a monster
subject, with which it was impossible to