ass just at the level of the bed; at the foot of the bed a large
sofa opposite to the fire; over the chimney-piece a big glass sloping
forwards, so that those sitting or lying on the sofa could see
themselves reflected in it; in the angle of the room by the windows a
big cheval-glass which could be turned in any direction, two easy-chairs
and a bidet, the hangings were of red damask, two large gas-burners
were over the chimney-piece angles. It was the most compact, comfortable
baudy house bed-room I have perhaps ever been in, although by no means a
large room. They charged seven and six for its use, and twenty shillings
for the night. Scores of times I have paid both fees. I noticed all
this, and that a couple could see their amatory amusements on the bed,
on the sofa, or anyhow in fact, by aid of the cheval and other glasses.
I was delighted with the room, but in a fever of anxiety lest the lady
should not come. I walked about with my prick out, seeing how I looked
in the glasses, laid on the bed, and noticed how it looked in the
side-glass, squatted on the sofa, glorying in the sight of my balls and
stiff-stander. Then I had a sudden fear that she would think my prick
small; what put it into my head I never could exactly say, I used when
at school to fancy mine was smaller than that of other boys, and some
remark of a gay woman about its size made me most sensitive on the
topic. I was constantly asking the women if my prick was not smaller
than other men's. When they said it was a very good size,--as big as
most,--I did not believe them, and I used when I pulled it out, to say
in an apologetic tone, "Let's put it up, there's not much of it." "Oh!
it's quite big enough," one would say. "I've seen plenty smaller," would
say another. But still the idea clung to me, that it was not a prick
to be in any way proud of,--which was a great error. But I have told of
this weakness more than once before, I think.

I recollect well that night fearing she would think my prick
contemptible, and it pained me much, for I was hooked, although I did
not know it. I brushed my hair, and made myself inviting with a desire
to please her, without thinking that I was taking the trouble to do so
for a woman who was going to be fucked for twenty shillings, and whom I
now know did not then care how I looked, or who I was, long as she
got her money as soon as she could, and got rid of me to make way for
another man, or to go and spend what she had