ery delicate, I assure you,
gentlemen, for an old bachelor to be on the slightest terms of intimacy
with a young--"

"And beautiful!" echoed the company.

"Unexperienced," continued the Major.

"And unprotected," says the chorus.

"Volatile," added the Major.

"And marriageable young lady, like Miss--"

"Miss Catchem," said the Major.

"Catchem!" cried the gents.

"Catchem, that was her name; she was the daughter of a very respectable
widow," continued the Major.

"A widow's daughter, eh?" said they all, now much interested in Uncle
Joe's journey to Saratoga, and--but we won't anticipate.

"Of a very respectable widow, whose husband, I believe, was a--but no
matter, they were of good family, and a--"

"Yes, yes, Uncle Joe," said the ladies, "no doubt of that; go on with
your story; you paid attention to Miss Catchem; you grew familiar--you
became mutually pleased with each other, and you finally--well, tell us
how it all came out, Uncle Joe, do!" they cried.

"Bless me, ladies! You've quite got ahead of my story--altogether! Miss
Catchem and I never spoke a word to each other in our lives," said the
Major.

"Why, Uncle Joe!" cried the whole party.

"By banks of Brandywine, it's a fact."

"Well, we never!" cried all the ladies.

"Well, ladies, I don't suppose you ever did," Uncle Joe responds. "The
fact is, Mrs. Padlock died suddenly the week Padlock spoke to me of
going to Saratogy, and he married her sister, Miss Catchem, in course of
a few weeks after, himself! I don't know how it was, but somehow or
other, I thought it was all for the best; things might have turned out
that I should have got tangled up with that girl, and a--"

"Been a married man, now, instead of a bachelor, Uncle Joe!" said the
young ladies.

"It's odd; I don't know how it was, ladies; it might have been so, but
it turned out just as I have stated."

"Well, well, Major," said an elderly person of the group; "go on; how
about Saratoga?"

"I will," says Uncle Joe, again resorting to his rappee, "I will. You
see Padlock didn't _go_, it was very odd; but somehow or other, I made
up my mind to _go_, and I went. I calculated to be gone three or four
weeks, and I concluded for once, at least, to loosen the strings of my
purse, if I never did again; so I laid out to expend three dollars or
so, each day, say eighty dollars for the trip; a good round sum, I
assure you, to fritter away; but, by banks of Brandywine, I was
determined