e a runnin', and says he:

"'Uncle Josh, theer gone, sure enough!--I've been over to old Mammy
Gabbles, and she sent her Suke over to Miller's, on purtence of
borrowin' some lard, but told Suke to look around and see ef Miller's
wife wur about; by Nebbyknezer, Miller's wife wur gone! Marm Gabbles
couldn't rest, so she sent back Suke, and told her to ax the children
whare their marm wus; Miller hearing Suke, ordered her to scoot, so Suke
left without hearing the facts in the case, as 'Squire Black says.'

"But Heeltap swears, and I know Miller's wife and Bob Tape have
_sloped_, as they say in the papers."

"Well," says Brown, "I'm sorry if it's true--I don't believe a word of
it tho', and as it's none of my business, I shall have nothing to say
about it."

Uncle Josh was one of those inordinate pests which almost every village,
town and hamlet in the country is more or less accursed with. He was a
great, tall, bony, sharp-nosed, grinning _genius_, who, being in
possession of a small farm, with plenty of boys and girls to work it,
did not do anything but eat, sleep and lounge around; a gatherer of
_scan, mag_., a news and scandal-monger, a great guesser, and a stronger
suspicioner, of everybody's motives and intentions, and, of course,
never imputed a good motive or movement to anybody.

You've seen those wretches, male and female, haven't you, reader? Such
people are great nuisances--half the discomforts of life are bred by
them; they contaminate and poison the air they breathe, with their
noisome breath, like the odor of the Upas tree.

Uncle Josh had annoyed many--he was the dread and disgust of
seven-eighths of the town he lived in. He had caused more quarrels,
smutted more characters, and created more ill-feeling between friends,
neighbors and acquaintances, than all else beside in the community of
Frogtown. Uncle Josh was voted a great bore by the men, and a sneaking,
meddling old granny by the women. So, at last, the young women of the
town did agree, that the very next time Uncle Josh carried, concocted,
or circulated any slanderous or otherwise mischievous stories, _they
would duck him in the mill-race_.

Now, Brown--old Mister Brown--was the very antipode of Uncle Josh; he
was for always taking matters and things by the smoothest handle. Mister
Brown never told tales, backbited or slandered anybody; everybody had a
good word to say about Mister Brown, and Mister Brown had a good word to
say about everybo