I-a--well, what I-a (two winks)--was about to remark
(two nods and a short cough),--that is to say, it don't make much
matter, if-a--(wink, wink, wink;) you see it was in this way,
I-a--wanted to--a, to tell you that (dreadful lot of winks) I've
been--not, to be sure, that it's an uncommon-a thing, (nod, cough, and
forty winks,) but no doubt if I-a--the fact is--"

"Well, what in thunder and rosin is _the fact_, old boy?" says we.

"The fact is, cap'n, I'd a told you at once, but-a--I don't know why
I--shouldn't tho', (wink on wink,) _have you got two shillings you won't
want to use to-day_?"

We hadn't!

Major Blink's First Season at Saratoga.

"Ha, ha!" said Uncle Joe Blinks, as the subject of summer travel, a
jaunt somewhere, was being discussed among the regular boarders in Mrs.
Bamberry's spacious old-fashioned parlors; "Ha! ha! ha! ladies, did Mrs.
Bamberry ever tell you of _my_ tour to Saratogy Springs?--last summer
was two years."

"No," said several of us _neuter genders_ who had repeatedly heard all
about it, but were desirous that those who had not been thus gratified,
especially the ladies, and particularly a Miss Scarlatina, who was
_dieting_ for a tour to the famed Springs--"tell us all about it,
Major."

"Then," said the Major, with his favorite exclamation, "then, by the
banks of Brandywine, if I don't tell you. You see, last summer was two
years, I came to the conclusion, that I'd stop off business, altogether,
brush up a little, and go forth a mite more in the world, and I went. A
friend of mine, a married man, was going up north to Saratogy, with his
wife and sister--a plaguy nice young woman, the sister was, too; well, I
don't know how it was, exactly, but somehow or other, it came into my
head, especially as my friend Padlock had asked me if I wouldn't like to
go up to Saratogy--that I'd go, and I went. It was odd enough, to be
sure," said Uncle Joe, taking a pinch of rappee from his tortoise-shell
box--"very odd, in fact, but somehow or other, Mrs. Padlock, being in
poor health, and her sister, a rather volatile and inexperienced young
woman, you may say--"

"So that you had to _beau_ her along the way, Uncle Joe?" says several
of the company.

"Well, yes; it was very odd, I don't know how it was, but somehow or
other, I-a--I-a--"

"Out with it, Uncle Joe--own up; you cottoned to the young lady, gallant
as possible, eh?" says the gents.

"Ha! ha! it's a very delicate thing, v