put it on my best three-legged
chair, and then flung out of the room with a toss of her head, as much
as to say, "'Ere's extravagance!" First I looked at the coat, and then
the coat seemed to look at me. Then I lifted it up and put it down
again, and sent out for three-ha'porth of gin. Then I tackled the
blooming thing again. One arm went in with a ten-horse power shove.
Next I tried the other. After no end of fumbling I found the sleeve.
"In you go!" I said to my arm, and in he went, only it happened to be
the breast-pocket. I jammed, the pocket creaked, but I jammed hardest,
and in went my fist, and out went the pocket.

Then I sat down, tired and sad, and the lodging-house cat came in and
lapped up the milk for my tea, and MOSER'S bull-dog just looked me
up, and went off with the left leg of my trousers, and the landlady's
little boy peeped round the door and cried, "Oh, Mar, the poor
gentleman's red in the face--I'm sure he's on fire!" And the local
fire-brigade was called up, and they pumped on me for ten minutes, and
then wrote "Inextinguishable" in their note-books, and went home; and
all the time I couldn't move, because my arms were stuck tight in a
coat two sizes too small for me.

CHAPTER III.

The Slavey managed--

[No, thank you. No more.--ED.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _His Reverence_. "DINNER, 7:30. I'LL GIVE YOU A QUARTER
OF AN HOUR'S GRACE!"

_His Irreverence_. "THEN COMMENCE AT 7:30, AND I'LL BE THERE AT
7:45!"]

* * * * *

FAVOURITE TOOL OF RAILWAY COMPANIES.--A Screw-Driver!

* * * * *

[Illustration: "C'EST MAGNIFIQUE! MAIS--"

_Mr. Bull_ (_Paymaster_). "WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?"

_Mr. Punch_ (_Umpire-in Chief_). "FINE RIDER--FINE HORSE! BUT--AS A
CAVALRY SOLDIER--HAS TO LEARN HIS BUSINESS!"]

["How then about the British Cavalry of September, 1890? A
spectator who has taken part in modern regular war, and has
watched the manoeuvres, said one day to me when I accosted
him, in an apologetic tone, 'I have hitherto done your Army
injustice, I will not do so again; I had no idea how well
your officers and your troopers ride,--they are very fine
horsemen.' There he stopped; I waited for more, but he had
ended; his silence was a crushing criticism, unintentionally
too severe, but very true.... I assert, therefore, that at
this moment, our Cav