at they break them every day.

And the "Safeties" still improve,
And their riders develope more skill;
And it's oh! for the records of yesterday!
To-morrow they'll all be nil!

Break! break! break!
On thy wheels, oh, S.B.C.!
But the grace of KEITH FALCONER, CORTIS, and KEEN,
Will they ever come back to me?

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHIC PEST.]

* * * * *

LOST HAIRS-AT-LAW.

"SEQUEL to a Breach of Promise Case" is the heading to a paragraph
in the _Daily Telegraph_, recording how _Turner_ v. _Avant_ was heard
before Mr. Commissioner KERR, who adjourned the case for three weeks,
because, as Mr. AGABEG, the Counsel for the Plaintiff, observed,
without agabegging the question, they couldn't get any information
essential to the proceedings as to the whereabouts of the Miss HAIRS,
who, after failing in her action against Sir GEORGE ELLIOTT, M.P.,
gave up minding her own business, which she sold, and retired to the
Continent; and Plaintiffs also wanted to know the present address of
a certain, or uncertain, Mr. HOLLAND, somewhile Secretary to the Avant
Company. Odd this. Not find Hairs in September! Cry "_En Avant_!"
and let loose the harriers!--a suggestion that might have been
appropriately made by the Commissioner whose name alone, with respect
be it said, should qualify him for the Chief Magistracy in the Isle of
Dogs. In the meantime the Plaintiffs have three weeks' adjournment in
order to search the maps and find HOLLAND.

* * * * *

TITLED MONTHS.--In the list given by the _Figaro_ of those present at
Cardinal LAVIGERIE'S great anti-slavery function at Saint Sulpice was
"_un ancien ministre plenipotentiare le Baron d'Avril._" What a set
of new titles this suggests for any creation, of new Peers in England!
Duke of DECEMBER! Earl of FEBRUARY! Of course, the nearest title
to Baron D'AVRIL with us is the Earl of MARCH. The Marquis of MAY
sounds nice; Lord AUGUST, Baron JULY; and, should a certain eminent
ecclesiastical lawyer ever become a Law Lord, there will be yet
another British cousin to Baron d'AVRIL and the Earl of MARCH in--Lord
JEUNE.

* * * * *

NO MORE LAW OFFICERS!--"An Automatic Recorder on the Forth Bridge"
was a heading to a paragraph in the _St. James's_ last Saturday. The
announcement must have startled Sir THOMAS CHAMBERS