, Q.C. Heavens!
If there is one Automatic Recorder in the North, why not another in
the South? Automatic Recorders would be followed by Automatic Common
Serjeants, and--Isn't it too awful!

* * * * *

[Illustration: RATHER A LARGE ORDER.

_The Herr Professor_. "ACH--BEST MISS ROSY, VILL YOU KINDLY TURN ME
OVER!"]

* * * * *

LOOKING FORWARD.

(_EXTRACT FROM "THE DAILY PRIZE-FIGHTER," SEPTEMBER 24, 1900._)

Yesterday morning LOO BOBBETT and BEN MOUSETRAP had an interview
with Mr. PHEASANT, the Magistrate presiding in the North-West London
Police Court. The approaches to the Court were crowded from an early
hour. Amongst those in the street we noticed BILLY BLOWFROTH, and SAM
SNEEZER, the well-known pot-boys from "The Glove and Wadding" and
"The Tap o'Claret" Hotels, SHINY MOSES, AARON ISAACS, and SANDY the
Sossidge (so-called by his friends on account of his appearance),
the celebrated bankers from the West-end of Whitechapel, and a large
gathering of the _elite_ of the Lambeth Road. Inside the Court the
company was, if possible, even more select. Mr. TITAN CHAPEL, the
proprietor of the Featherbed Club, was the first to arrive in his
private brougham, and he was followed at short intervals by the Earl
of ARRIEMORE, Lord TRIMI GLOVESON, Mr. TOOWITH YEW, Mr. BRANDIC OHLD,
Mr. SPLITTS ODER, Mr. GINCOCK TALE, and Mr. ANGUS TEWBER, with a heap
more of the best known patrons of sport in the Metropolis. Little
time was cut to waste in the preliminaries, and it was generally
acknowledged at the end of the day that no prettier set-to had been
witnessed for a long time than that which took place at the North-West
London Police Court. We append below some of the more salient portions
of the evidence.

_Inspector Chizzlem_. I produce a pair of gloves ordinarily used at
London boxing matches. [_Produces them from his waistcoat pocket._

_Mr. Pheasant_ (_the Magistrate_). Pardon me. I don't quite
understand. Were the gloves that you produce to be used at this
particular competition?

_Inspector Chizzlem_. No, your Worship. These are one ounce
gloves. The gloves with which these men were to fight are known as
"feather-weight" gloves.

_Mr. Pheasant_. Ah, I see. Feather-weight, not feather-bed, I presume.
(_Loud Laughter, in which both the accused joined._) Have you the
actual gloves with you?

_Mr. Titan Chapel_ (_from the Solicitor's table_). I have brought