THE EQUATOR

[Illustration]

The Earth is self-centred. Poised on an imaginary toe, she pirouettes
round her self-centre, at the rate of over a thousand miles an hour.

We say imaginary toe because the Earth, owing to the enormous size of
her waist, has never been able to see it.

To anyone with a waist measurement of twenty-five thousand miles the
very existence of toes is purely problematical.

To wear an actual belt round a waist of such dimensions would be
impossible even if it could be of any use. Instead, therefore, the
Earth wears round her middle an imaginary line called the Equator.

To give this imaginary belt some excuse for existence we have depicted
the Earth in an imaginary ballet skirt, which without in any way
hampering her movements complies with the strict regulations pertaining
to feminine attire.

Being self-centred, the Earth has naturally an exaggerated sense of
self-esteem.

Other Spheres of equal or greater importance are referred to as
"Luminaries" and supposed to exist chiefly for the purpose of furnishing
light when the Sun and Moon are otherwise engaged.

_Oh would some Power the giftie gie her_
_To see, as other Planets see her!_

_QUESTIONS_

_Can an imaginary line be said to exist?_

_If not, why does it need an excuse for existence?_

CHAPTER VI

THE EARTH'S CRUST

Matter-of-fact Geologists speak of the Earth's Crust as if there were
only one Crust.

Thoughtful people (like ourselves) who can read between imaginary lines,
know that there are (as in a pie) two Crusts, the Upper Crust and the
Under Crust.

The Upper Crust is pleasantly situated on the top and is rich and
agreeable and much sought after.

The Under Crust is soggy and disagreeable. The only apparent reason for
its existence is to hold up the Upper Crust.

To quote the eminent Nonsensologist Gelett Burgess--

_The Upper Crust is light as snow_
_And gay with sugar-rime;_
_The Under Crust must stay below,_
_It has a horrid time._

When in the course of time the Upper Crust becomes too rich and heavy
for the popular taste, the Social Pie flops over and the Under Crust
becomes the Upper Crust.

These periodic flip-flops of the Social Pie are called Revolutions.

You would think that a Revolving Pie would be a disturbing thing to have
in one's system, but the Giddy Globe doesn't seem to mind it in the
least.

Balanced on an imaginary toe, she continues to pi