y_]

In spite of many laudable attempts, America was never seriously
discovered until the year 1620 when the Mayflower landed in
Massachusetts a cargo of Heirlooms, Boston Terriers, Beans and
Ancestors.

Thus were established the three leading industries of Massachusetts, the
manufacture of genuine antique furniture and Pedigrees (Human and
canine).

BOSTON is a centre of Gravity completely surrounded by Newtons.

BOSTON is also the centre of the Universe.

[Illustration: A PERFECT DAY IN BOSTON]

The great poet Anonymous has immortalized Boston as

_"The home of the Bean and the Cod_
_Where Lowells speak only to Cabots_
_And Cabots speak only to God."_

Some say the lines were not written by Anonymous but by a later poet
named Ibid, but what does a poet's name matter except to his creditors?

Boston is famous for its historic associations and landmarks which well
repay a visit.

Even the quaint and curious Pullmans that convey the traveller thither
are relics of a bygone day and a joy to the heart of the antiquarian.

CHAPTER XXI

THE UNITED STATES

The United States is a large body of laughter-loving people completely
surrounded by Trusts.

It is the richest country in the world. Nowhere is food so plentiful,
nowhere are the Cows so friendly, the Hens so industrious.

[Illustration]

When the American Hens die they go to join their unhatched children in a
cold-storage Heaven where they live forever.

So too the Cows, so too the Fish, if there is room for them; if not they
are turned into fertilizer to keep them from scaling down the market
price.

To add to the merriment of the People, the Sovereign Farmers and
Financiers passed an amendment to the Constitution and Holy Writ (See I.
Timothy V. 23.) abolishing Temperance, the sin of resisting temptation.

At their bidding, thousands of acres of deadly grape vines have been
destroyed, and, if these great and good men fulfil their promise, ere
long the nation will be saved also from the ravages of the vicious
Tobac----*

* We fail to see what this has
to do with Geography.
_The Reader._

[Illustration: A PILGRIM LANDING]

Well, to return to the United States. The United States is a large dry
country bounded on the north by Canadian Club Whisky, on the south by
Mexican Pulque, and o