obstacles to a much desired union of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans,
started a new action for divorce on the same grounds as that of De
Lesseps, and in August, 1902, the divorce of North and South America and
the wedding of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans were simultaneously
celebrated.

The Northern and Southern continents are now better friends than ever
and the Atlantic Ocean no longer has to sneak round by the back door to
spend an evening with the Pacific.

CHAPTER XXVIII

HOLLAND

[Illustration]

The Dutch are the cleanest people in the world. So deep-seated is Dutch
cleanliness that Godliness (in the next seat) must get up and cling to a
strap.

In Holland they run cleanliness into the ground, the heads of the
cabbages are inspected every day and the ears of the corn and the necks
of the bottles scrubbed regularly every Saturday night.

The Sky alone escapes the mop of the Dutch housewife but the clouds are
kept busy posing for the landscape painters.

Even the Wind is not allowed to be idle; wind mills are posted
everywhere and not a breath of air can stir without performing some
useful task.

And the Sea! The majestic Sea, that has always boasted of its freedom,
is locked up in Dykes and forced to do the work of highways and
railroads.

The capital of Holland is the Hague, and here was held the first Peace
Conference (in 1898), a gathering of Autocrats and Plutocrats to discuss
the Economics of War.

_Firstly_, to make rules by which war may be conducted with the least
possible damage to Vested Interests.

_Secondly_, to reduce the cost of war by the use of methods which, while
putting a soldier out of action, will not injure him beyond the
possibility of repair for use in another War.

Today the Peace Palace is to let and Andrew Carnegie, who built it, is
dead, but another Conference (called by Woodrow Wilson) is to be held in
Geneva which, Peter Simple hopes, will abolish War forever.

* * *

The inhabitants of Holland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in
the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World
War.

CHAPTER XXIX

BELGIUM

Belgium may be compared to a Hollandaise Sauce with a piquant Gallic
flavour.

Belgium is the Bridgeway from Prussia to France, and King Albert of
Belgium is the modern Horatius who

_" ... facing fearful odds,_
_For the ashes of his fathers_
_And the temples of his Gods,"_