up till pretty near nine o'clock knocking the trustees, y'understand. In
fact, up to the time he resigned from being president of Princeton
College, life to Mr. Wilson was just correcting one examination paper
after another, all of which 'ain't got nothing to do with this here
League of Nations being a good thing, Mawruss," Abe declared.

"And it don't affect the fact that Mr. Wilson is a high-grade,
A-number-one gentleman, which is doing the best he knows how to make
good to his country, Abe," Morris declared.

"Did I say he wasn't?" Abe asked.

"Then what are you dragging up his past life for?" Morris demanded.

"What do you mean--dragging up his past life?" Abe rejoined. "The way
you talk, Mawruss, you would think that being president of a college
come in two degrees, like grand larceny, and had to be lived down
through the guilty party getting the respect of the community by years
of honest work."

"Say, lookyhere, Abe," Morris protested, "don't try to twist things
around till it looks like I was knocking Mr. Wilson, and not you."

"I am knocking President Wilson!" Abe exclaimed. "Why, I've got the
greatest respect for Mr. Wilson, and always did, Mawruss, but it would
be foolish not to admit that the practice which a President of the
United States gets in being a college professor is more useful to him in
framing up a first-class, A-number-one League of Nations than it is in
getting his political enemies to accept it. Am I wright or wrong?"

"Maybe he would have got them to accept it if he had stayed in touch
with them personally and managed the Peace Conference by wireless and
cable," Morris suggested.

"He probably figured that if he wanted to put over this here League of
Nations it was more necessary for him to be on the job in France than on
the job in America," Abe said.

"Well," Morris commented, "the next time the United States of America
has a Peace Conference on its hands, Abe, the President will have to be
a copartnership instead of an individual, with one member of the firm in
Washington and the other in Paris."

"But what would Admiral Grayson do?" Abe asked. "He couldn't be in two
places at the same time."

"Probably the Washington President could find a bright young physician
in the Treasury Department," Morris concluded, "and promote him to the
honorary title and salary of Comptroller of the Currency."

VII

SOME CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENTS FOR THE KAISER

"I see where an A