' worth of Victory
Liberty Bonds for sale, Abe, seventy-five per cent. of the people of the
United States should ought to be going around looking as sore as fellers
that sell tickets in theater box-offices, and when any one asks 'em why,
they should say: 'Ain't it just my luck! I put off buying my Victory
Liberty Bonds till April 23d, and when I got round to the bank there
wasn't one left.' Yes, Abe, instead of Victory Liberty Bond salesmen
having to go about visiting customers, y'understand, they should ought
to have luxurious fitted-up offices, and it should ought to be a case of
when the customer arrives the Victory Liberty Bond salesman should ought
to be playing auction pinochle or rummy with two other Victory Liberty
Bond salesmen. Then when the customer says is this the place where they
sell Victory Liberty Bonds, the salesman says, 'I'll be with you in a
minute,' and makes the customer stand around without even offering him a
seat until the salesmen gets through playing two more hands. The
customer should then make out his own application, y'understand, have
the exact change ready, and close the door quietly when leaving, and
that's the way I would sell Victory Liberty Bonds if I was the
government."

"That's the way you even try to sell garments," Abe commented.

"Because," Morris continued, evading the challenge, "it is my idee that
it is a privilege to be allowed to buy these here Victory Liberty Bonds,
and before any one gets that privilege, Abe, he should be made to prove
that he has done something to deserve it. Yes, Abe, instead of a man
wearing a button to show that he has bought Liberty Bonds, he should
ought to go before a notary public and make an oath that he has given up
his quota to all Red Cross and United War Relief drives and otherwise
done everything he could do to help win the war if he couldn't fight in
it, y'understand, and then, and only then, Abe, he should be given a
button entitling him to buy Victory Liberty Bonds under the conditions I
have stated."

"But, joking apart, Mawruss, and talking business, not poetry,
understand me," Abe asked, "do you actually think that this here Victory
Liberty Loan would be all taken up by them methods? To my mind,
Mawruss, it would be a whole lot better to look the horse straight in
the teeth, y'understand, and take it as settled that a lot of people
which has got the money to buy bonds would go round saying that they
would be very glad to buy bonds