t is one thing to be actually engaged in a modern battle,
and that looking at it through a high-power telescope while sitting in a
bomb-proof limousine six miles away is absolutely something else again.
Later on, Mawruss, when a New York police-court lawyer visited him in
his cell after the Kaiser had lunched on bread and water and the
police-court lawyer on what used to be called _Koenigsburger Klops_ and
is now known as Liberty Roast, understand me, the Kaiser would get just
an inkling of what it means to be caught in a gas attack without a
gas-mask."

"You talk like you would got a little experience in the way of sitting
in prison yourself, Abe," Morris commented.

"I am giving you what practically happened to a feller by the name
Immerglick which was arrested by mistake on account the police thought
he looked like an Italian who was wanted for barrel murder, Mawruss,"
Abe exclaimed, "and if the police behaves this way to a perfect stranger
which is innocent at that, Mawruss, you could imagine what them fellers
would do to a well-known guilty party like the Kaiser. But that's
neither here nor there, Mawruss. What I am trying to do is to work out a
punishment proposition for the Kaiser which would get by with such a
sensitive bunch as this here committee to place responsibility seems to
be."

"Go ahead and have a good time with your pipe-dream, Abe," Morris said.
"You couldn't make me feel bad, no matter what happens to the Kaiser in
your imagination."

"Well," Abe continued, "after he is through with trying to get rid of
the police-court lawyer, Mawruss, he should ought to be arranged before
the magistrate in a traffic court, y'understand, and should be accused
of driving at the rate of twenty-two miles an hour, which is two miles
past the legal speed limit, and then he would find out that all them
commandants of Ruhleben and the other German prison camps wasn't even
new beginners in the art of making prisoners feel cheap, because you
take one of these here traffic-court magistrates which has had years of
experience bawling out respectable sitsons who has got the misfortune to
own automobiles, Mawruss, and what such a feller wouldn't do to
humilitate the Kaiser, y'understand, ain't even dreamt of in German
prison camps yet."

"I see you still feel sore about getting fined twenty-five dollars for
driving like a maniac down at Far Rockaway last summer Abe," Morris
commented.

"How I feel or how I don't feel hai