ll
be getting such a reputation as public speakers that the next Republican
National Convention will be again unloading a college president on us as
President of the United States."

"Say," Morris protested, "if all college presidents would make as good a
President as Mr. Wilson done, Abe, I am content that we should have such
a president for President."

"President Wilson done all right, Mawruss," Abe declared. "He done a
whole lot to add a touch of refinement to what otherwise would of been a
very rough war, understand me. He's got the respect and admiration of
the whole world, Mawruss, and I ain't going to say _but_ neither, but
would say _however_. Mawruss, for the next ten years or so the United
States of America ain't going to be as quiet as a college exactly. Maybe
the presidents of colleges will continue to deal with college professors
and college students which couldn't talk back, Mawruss, but the next
President of the United States will have to stand an awful lot of
back-talk from a whole lot of people about taxes, business conditions,
railroads, and so forth, and instead of coming right back with a snappy
remark originally made by some big Roman philosopher and letting it go
at that, Mawruss, he would got to come right back with a plan devised by
some big Pittsburgh business man and act on it, too."

"There's something in what you say, Abe," Morris admitted.

"So, therefore, if we've got to drag a college president for President,
Mawruss," Abe concluded, "let's hope he would be anyhow president of a
business college."

X

THE NEW HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY

"I see where a feller by the name Rubin or Robin or something like that,
which was working as a traveling-salesman for the Red Cross in Russia,
got examined by Congress the other day," Abe Potash said one morning in
March, "and in the course of explaining how he come to spend all that
money for traveling expenses or something, he says that the Bolsheviki
in Russia is a very much misunderstood people."

"Sure, I know," Morris said; "it is always the case, Abe, that when
somebody does something which could only be explained on the grounds
that he would sooner be in jail than _out_, he goes to work and claims
that nobody understands him."

"But Rubin claims that the reason Bolshevism sprung in the first place
was that the Bolsheviki was tired of the war," Abe continued, "whereas
the Allies thought they were quitters."

"What do you mean--whereas?