cheme;
which, nevertheless, might appear surmountable to a more enterprising
spirit in my circumstances. If you, my dear, think them surmountable in
any one of the cases put, [and to be sure I can take no course, but what
must have some difficulty in it,] be pleased to let me know your free
and full thoughts upon it.

Had you, my dear friend, been married, then should I have had no doubt
but that you and Mr. Hickman would have afforded an asylum to a poor
creature more than half lost in her own apprehension for want of one
kind protecting friend!

You say I should have written to my cousin Morden the moment I was
treated disgracefully: But could I have believed that my friends would
not have softened by degrees when they saw my antipathy to their Solmes?

I had thoughts indeed several times of writing to my cousin: but by the
time an answer could have come, I imagined all would have been over, as
if it had never been: so from day to day, from week to week, I hoped on:
and, after all, I might as reasonably fear (as I have heretofore said)
that my cousin would be brought to side against me, as that some of
those I have named would.

And then to appeal a cousin [I must have written with warmth to engage
him] against a father; this was not a desirable thing to set about. Then
I had not, you know, one soul on my side; my mother herself against me.
To be sure my cousin would have suspended his judgment till he could
have arrived. He might not have been in haste to come, hoping the malady
would cure itself: but had he written, his letters probably would have
run in the qualifying style; to persuade me to submit, or them only to
relax. Had his letters been more on my side than on theirs, they would
not have regarded them: nor perhaps himself, had he come and been an
advocate for me: for you see how strangely determined they are; how they
have over-awed or got in every body; so that no one dare open their lips
in my behalf. And you have heard that my brother pushes his measures
with the more violence, that all may be over with me before my cousin's
expected arrival.

But you tell me, that, in order to gain time, I must palliate; that I
must seem to compromise with my friends: But how palliate? How seem to
compromise? You would not have me endeavour to make them believe, that I
will consent to what I never intended to consent to! You would not have
me to gain time, with a view to deceive!

To do evil, that good may come of