, and do what I will, I shall never wipe off the stain which my
confinement, and the rigorous usage I have received, have fixed upon me;
at least in my own opinion.

I wish, if ever I am to be considered as one of the eminent family this
man is allied to, some of them do not think the worse of me for the
disgrace I have received. In that case, perhaps, I shall be obliged to
him, if he do not. You see how much this harsh, this cruel treatment
from my own family has humbled me! But perhaps I was too much exalted
before.

Mr. Lovelace concludes, 'with repeatedly begging an interview with me;
and that, this night, if possible: an hour, he says, he is the more
encouraged to solicit for, as I had twice before made him hope for it.
But whether he obtain it or not, he beseeches me to choose one of the
alternatives he offers to my acceptance; and not to depart from my
resolution of escaping on Monday, unless the reason ceases on which I
had taken it up; and that I have a prospect of being restored to
the favour of my friends; at least to my own liberty, and freedom of
choice.'

He renews all his vows and promises on this head in so earnest and so
solemn a manner, that (his own interest, and his family's honour, and
their favour for me, co-operating) I can have no room to doubt of his
sincerity.

LETTER XLII

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE SAT. MORN., EIGHT O'CLOCK, APRIL 8.

Whether you will blame me or not, I cannot tell, but I have deposited
a letter confirming my resolution to leave this house on Monday next,
within the hour mentioned in my former, if possible. I have not kept a
copy of it. But this is the substance:

I tell him, 'That I have no way to avoid the determined resolution of
my friends in behalf of Mr. Solmes, but by abandoning this house by his
assistance.'

I have not pretended to make a merit with him on this score; for I
plainly tell him, 'That could I, without an unpardonable sin, die when I
would, I would sooner make death my choice, than take a step, which all
the world, if not my own heart, would condemn me for taking.'

I tell him, 'That I shall not try to bring any other clothes with me
than those I shall have on; and those but my common wearing-apparel;
lest I should be suspected. That I must expect to be denied the
possession of my estate: but that I am determined never to consent to a
litigation with my father, were I to be reduced to ever so low a state:
so that the protection