everything she has ever sent him, but finds a difficulty, from the fact
that, her papa having been a pastrycook, her presents chiefly consisted
of jam tarts, Albert rock, and the like, which CHARLEY has eaten long
ago. The dilemma is new and delicate, but if CHARLEY'S conscience is
tender, he had better estimate the price of the articles, and enclose it
to the old Pattypan, from whom Miss had clearly no right to take them.
But, as has been classically said, _Jams ate is_.

BELLICOSUS JOCOSUS.--You may obtain a commission in the army, by leaving
your card at Lord Hardinge's any day before four o'clock, and by calling
for an answer next day. You may give the servant one shilling. This
applies to the line only. To become a guardsman, call at the Junior
United Service Club any evening between six and nine, walk boldly into
the dining-room, and state your wish to any party who may be dining
together. The rest of the process you will find very simple.

A BRIDE.--Do not distress yourself. Very likely he loves you sincerely,
and his winking at the bridesmaid might be mere accident--the whisper
was probably to tell her how pretty you looked--and the pressure of her
hand gratitude for her ready acknowledgment of it. Even the note may be
explained; it was the address to which she is to forward some present
for you. Never worry yourself about trifles--you have married him, and
she is cut out. Go on your tour rejoicing.

JEUNE PHILOSOPHE.--Matter is, no doubt, as you contend, an integral part
of cognate consciousness; but do not push this law to an absurdity. If
homogeneous self-antipathies come into conflict with inchoate
rationalism, where will you draw the line between casuality and
causality? Hadn't you better shut up?

ANXIOUS JEMIMA.--There is no rule as to the number of clergymen
requisite at a wedding. One able-bodied clerk in orders can do all that
is necessary. The "assisting" system is a ridiculous custom, introduced
by the Puseyites, by way of assimilating the ceremony to that of Rome.
At the same time, we admit that a clergyman has a hard duty to perform
in managing _some_ couples, and it is probably in these cases that he
calls in extra hands. Look at the announcements with that idea in your
mind.

SIGHT-SEER.--You may walk into Buckingham Palace whenever you please,
and without any ticket. But when you enter the rooms in which any of the
Royal Family are sitting, you should put out your cigar, and politeness,
if