ningsken, an intimate friend of mine, who kills his
own wild boars in the Hartz mountains."

"How the devil do you get them over, Captain Kearney?"

"There are ways and means of doing everything, Mr Phillott, and the
First Consul is not quite so bad as he is represented. The first batch
was sent over with a very handsome letter to me, written in his own
hand, which I will show you some of these days. I wrote to him in
return, and sent to him two Cheshire cheeses by a smuggler, and since
that they came regularly. Did you ever eat Westphalia ham, Mr Simple?"

"Yes," replied I; "once I partook of one at Lord Privilege's."

"Lord Privilege! why he's a distant relation of mine, a sort of fifth
cousin," replied Captain Kearney.

"Indeed, sir!" replied I.

"Then you must allow me to introduce you to a relation, Captain
Kearney," said the first lieutenant; "for Mr Simple is his grandson."

"Is it possible? I can only say, Mr Simple, that I shall be most happy
to show you every attention, and am very glad that I have you as one of
my officers."

Now although this was all false, for Captain Kearney was not in the
remotest manner connected with my family, yet having once asserted it,
he could not retract, and the consequence was, that I was much the
gainer by his falsehood, as he treated me very kindly afterwards, always
calling me _cousin_.

The first lieutenant smiled and gave me a wink, when the captain had
finished his speech to me, as much as to say, "You're in luck," and then
the conversation changed. Captain Kearney certainly dealt in the
marvellous to admiration, and really told his stories with such
earnestness, that I actually believe that he thought he was telling the
truth. Never was there such an instance of confirmed habit. Telling a
story of a cutting-out expedition, he said, "The French captain would
have fallen by my hand, but just as I levelled my musket, a ball came,
and cut off the cock of the lock as clean as if it was done with a
knife--a very remarkable instance," observed he.

"Not equal to what occurred in a ship I was in," replied the first
lieutenant, "when the second lieutenant was grazed by a grape-shot,
which cut off one of his whiskers, and turning round his head to
ascertain what was the matter, another grape-shot came and took off the
other. Now that's what I call a _close shave_."

"Yes," replied Captain Kearney, "very close, indeed, if it were true;
but you'll excuse me, Mr Phillott,