pug-dog at one mouthful. The coxswain
reported the loss as a thing of no consequence; but I knew better, and
put the fellow in irons. I then went down and broke the melancholy fact
to Miss Kearney, stating that I had put the man in irons, and would flog
him well. The old lady broke out into a most violent passion at the
intelligence, declared that it was my fault, that I was jealous of the
dog, and had done it on purpose. The more I protested, the more she
raved; and at last I was obliged to go on deck to avoid her abuse and
keep my temper. I had not been on deck five minutes before she came up--
that is, was shoved up--for she was so heavy that she could not get up
without assistance. You know how elephants in India push the cannon
through a morass with their heads from behind; well, my steward used to
shove her up the companion-ladder just in the same way, with his head
completely buried in her petticoats. As soon as she was up, he used to
pull his head out, looking as red and hot as a fresh-boiled lobster.
Well, up she came, with her will in her hand, and, looking at me very
fiercely, she said, 'Since the shark has taken my dear dog, he may have
my will also,' and, throwing it overboard, she plumped down on the
carronade slide. 'It's very well, madam,' said I, 'but you'll be cool
by-and-by, and then you'll make another will.' 'I swear by all the hopes
that I have of going to heaven that I never will!' she replied. 'Yes,
you will, madam,' replied I. 'Never, so help me God! Captain Kearney; my
money may now go to my next heir, and that, you know, will not be you.'
Now, as I knew very well that the old lady was very positive and as good
as her word, my object was to recover the will, which was floating about
fifty yards astern, without her knowledge. I thought a moment, and then
I called the boatswain's mate to _pipe all hands to bathe_. 'You'll
excuse me, Miss Kearney,' said I, 'but the men are going to bathe, and I
do not think you would like to see them all naked. If you would, you can
stay on deck.' She looked daggers at me, and, rising from the carronade
slide, hobbled to the ladder, saying, 'that the insult was another proof
of how little I deserved any kindness from her.' As soon as she was
below, the quarter-boats were lowered down, and I went in one of them
and picked up the will, which still floated. Brigs having no
stern-windows, of course she could not see my manoeuvre, but thought
that the will was lost for e