of malice.

***

A man charged at a London Police Court with being drunk stated that he
had been drinking "Government ale." It appears now that the fellow was
an impostor.

***

Another man who wrote a letter protesting against the weakness of
the official stimulant inadvertently addressed his letter to the
Metropolitan Water Board.

***

A correspondent who has just spent a day in the country hopes the
Commission now dealing with Unrest will not overlook one of its
principal causes--namely wasps.

***

There has been a great falling-off in the number of visitors to
Stratford-on-Avon, and it is expected that a new and fuller Life
of the Bard will shortly be published.

***

A Surrey soldier, writing from The Garden of Eden, says, "I think
it is a rotten hole, and I don't blame Adam for getting thrown out."
Still it is rather late to plead extenuating circumstances.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _The Bantam._ "AN' I DON'T WANT NONE OF YER NARSTY
LOOKS NEITHER, OR IT'S ME AN' YOU FOR IT."]

* * * * *

"James ---- was remanded at the Thames Police Court on a
charge of stealing nine boxes of Beecham's pills, valued
at L5."--_The Times._

So little? What about those advertisements?

* * * * *

"I was surprised to hear of Baron Heyking's dismissal from
his post of Russian Consul-General in London. I had only been
talking to him the day before--and then came his dismissal by
telegram!"--_"Candide," in "The Sunday Pictorial."_

Some of our journalists have a lot to answer for.

* * * * *

THE KAISER'S ORIENTAL STUDIES.

A Distinguished Neutral, who has just returned from Germany after
residing for some time in the neighbourhood of Potsdam, informs us
that the KAISER has been taking a course of Oriental literature in
view of his proposed annexation of India, and has lately given close
attention to the works of Sir RABINDRANATH TAGORE. The Distinguished
Neutral has been fortunate enough to secure the KAISER'S
personally annotated copies of the Indian poet's _Stray Birds_
and _Fruit-Gathering_. From these volumes we have the pleasure of
reproducing a selection of Sir RABINDRANATH'S aphorisms and fantasies,
accompanied in each case by the KAISER'S marginal reflections:--

"I cannot choose the best. The best chooses me."