were recovering
themselves of their wounds. And we were glad, for we promised
ourselves to entertain our brave Allies. Thus might we too serve _la
patrie_.

They came. _Mon Dieu!_ Is it now a hundred years that we hurry to and
fro in their service? A House of Rest! _Ma foi!_ Morning, noon and
night they come, these countrymen of yours. Never can we rest. Hither
and thither do they drive us. No longer are our cushions soft and
caressing; the cloth upon our table is stained, and see--here is a
hole.

Ah, it is cruel! Our beauty is decayed. The cheeks of my poor sister,
that once were so rosy, have lost their colour and our figures their
rounded grace.

We are loyal, Monsieur, and, though we are no longer pleasing to look
upon, we do not grudge our service. But we beg of you, kind M. Punch,
to procure for us a respite from our labours, that we may recover
something of our former lustre. Thus shall you merit the undying
gratitude and your countrymen regain the devoted services of what
were at one time three of France's fairest billiard-balls.

_Agreez, cher Monsieur, etc., etc._

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Actor (in khaki, to second ditto)_. "HULLO, OLD
BOY--WORKING?"

_Second Actor_. "YES, OLD CHAP, AND HAIG HAS BOOKED ME FOR THE AUTUMN
TOO."]

* * * * *

THE FATAL EMBRACE.

"There is a good story of how at an election meeting in Cork
a few years ago, when he was a candidate, one of a crowd of
working women pushed her way into a brake from which he was
addressing a throng in the market square and suddenly put her
arm round his neck and killed him."--_Times of India_.

* * * * *

"At the Port Elizabeth Town Council meeting, Mr. Mackay asked
could nothing be done to the seats at Homewood? The resin
was oozing out of them. He had had a valuable pair of pants
completely ruined, and the same thing might happen to any
lady."--_South African Paper_.

Our trousered Amazons must not be discouraged.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "PRISONER, WHEN ARRESTED, CLUNG TO THE RAILINGS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "PRISONER, WHEN ARRESTED, CLUNG TO THE RAILINGS."]

THE TWELFTH--NEW STYLE.

(_DREAMT IN A DUG-OUT_.)

In my dream it was my first Twelfth after the ending of the War.

The party moved off in file up the slo