adworth had heard Mr.
GLADSTONE read the lessons in church; Fladworth had heard TENNYSON
recite "Come into the Garden, Maud" at a friend's house in the Isle
of Wight; a young invalid airman, who was known to have had the most
thrilling adventures, but, after the manner of his kind, never talked
of his own achievements, told us how frightened he had been by the
giant in his first pantomime. My turn came last, but I was not in
the least helped by having had the longest time to prepare. I have
a wonderful memory for futilities, and when called on could think of
nothing better than my recollection of the arrival of _Hiawatha_ at
the Channel Islands and the delirium of the populace.

You can imagine my feelings when old Mr. Fladworth, _aet._ eighty-four
and rather deaf, who was acting as judge, awarded me the prize on the
ground that nothing was more interesting than the effect of poetry
on the masses. I hadn't the courage to explain that it was not
LONGFELLOW'S poem, but that terrible tarantellating American tune
which electrified the Channel Islanders some ten years back. As none
of the company was able or disposed to correct him there was nothing
left for me to do but to rake in the sixpences. After all, the
total only amounted to five and sixpence, and I compounded with my
conscience by putting it in the plate on the following morning.

* * * * *

A TALE OF THE HORSE MARINES.

"The crew of the submarine made great efforts to refloat the
vessel, but were unsuccessful. The cavalry advanced towards
the spot and surrounded both the submarine and her crew, who
surrendered."--_Daily Paper_.

* * * * *

"Lord Lambourne, in a farewell address to his late
constituents at Waltham Abbey, said the honour which had been
conferred on him was not degraded by a farthing of his money.
Licensed victualler, of Queen's Road."--_Woodford Times_.

Are we to infer that the late Chairman of the Commons' Kitchen
Committee is now in business on his own account?

* * * * *

"One of my informants says that he was awakened by
shells passing beside his window which rushed screaming
inland."--_Daily Paper_.

This was evidently "a magic casement opening on the foam of perilous
seas." A French window would have shown more courage.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "GOOD GRACIOUS,