no idea of what is actually taking place within me.

Life for Lillie can be summed up in the words, "the serene passage of
the days." Happy Lillie. She glides into old age just as she glided into
marriage, smiling, tranquil, and contented. Nobody, nothing, can disturb
her quietude.

It is so when both body and soul find their repose and happiness in the
same identical surroundings.

* * * * *

Jeanne, with some embarrassment, asked permission to use the bathroom.
I gave her leave. It is quite possible that living in the basement is
not to her taste. To put a bathroom down there would take nearly a
fortnight, and during that time I shall be deprived of my own, for I
cannot share my bathroom or my bedroom with anyone, least of all a
woman....

I shall never forget the one visit I paid to the Russian baths and the
sight of Hilda Bang. Clothed, she presents rather a fine appearance,
with a good figure; but seen amid the warm steam, in nature's garb, she
seemed horrible.

I would rather walk through an avenue of naked men than appear before
another woman without clothes. This feeling does not spring from
modesty--what is it?

* * * * *

How quiet it is here! Only on Wednesdays and Saturdays the steamer for
England goes by. I know its coming by the sound of the screw, but I take
care never to see it pass. What if I were seized with an impulse to
embark on her....

If one fine morning when Jeanne brought the tea she found the bird
flown?

The time is gone by. Life is over.

I am getting used to sitting here and stitching at my seam. My work does
not amount to much, but the mechanical movement brings a kind of
restfulness.

I find I am getting rather capricious. Between meals I ring two or three
times a day for tea--like a convalescent trying a fattening cure. Jeanne
attends to my hair with indefatigable care. Without her, should I ever
trouble to do it at all?

What can any human being want more than this peace and silence?

* * * * *

If I could only lose this sense of being empty-handed, all would be
well. Yesterday I went down to the seashore and gathered little pebbles.
I carried them away and amused myself by taking them up in handfuls.
During the night I felt impelled to get up and fetch them, and this
morning I awoke with a round stone in each hand.

Hysteria takes strange forms. But who knows what is the