nce round the flashing light of
their own unassisted intellect.

The different refreshment rooms (furnished by the Office of Works)
would be classified according to the varying rates of Subsistence
Allowance in force in the Service. Here the dinner for the L1-a-day
man--there the tea for the 10s.-a-day man. Special luncheon rates
for those not absent from home at night, but absent for more than ten
hours.

Visitors might be searched on arrival and departure by real Custom
House Officers. This would be sure to make it popular. Please, dear
_Mr. Punch_, do help us. Yours, &c.,

A GOVERNMENT CLERK.

* * * * *

ENGLISH OPERA AS SHE ISN'T SUNG.

[Illustration: "Very sorry, my dear Sir Ivanhoe, but you're rather
too heavy for this Carte. We shall get along better with a lighter
weight."]

It seems impossible to support a Royal English Opera House with its
special commodity of English Opera, that is, Opera composed by an
Englishman to an Englishman's _libretto_, and played by English
operatic singers. _Ivanhoe_, a genuine English Opera, by a genuine
English Composer (with an Irish name), produced with great _eclat_,
has, after a fair run and lots of favour, been _Doyl-ecarte_, in
order to make room for the _Basoche_, an essentially French Opera,
by French Composer and Librettists, done, of course, into English,
so as to be "understanded of the people." The _Basoche_ has "caught
on," and our friends in front, including Composer, Librettist, and
Middlemen--DRURIOLANUS, who bought it, and DOYLY CARTY, who bought it
of Sir DRURI--are all equally pleased and satisfied. Considered as
a matter of business, what signifies the nationality as long as the
spec pays?--_tout est la._ Only why retain the differentiating title
of "English" for the establishment? Why not call it "The Cosmopolitan
Opera House"? Of course this applies, nowadays, to Covent Garden
Theatre, which is no longer the Italian Opera House, but simply the
Covent Garden Opera during the Operatic Season, when French, English,
Italian, and German Operas are played by a Babel of singers. By the
way, while on the subject of nomenclature, why not "The Royal Babel
Opera House"?

* * * * *

[Illustration: A LUCID INTERVAL.

(_THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY._)

_Doctor._ "HOW IS THE PATIENT THIS MORNING?"

_Nurse._ "WELL--HE HAS BEEN WANDERING A GOOD DEAL IN HIS MIND. EARLY
THIS MO