*

GLORY AT THE LOWEST PRICE.

[There is nothing whatever to hinder a civilian from
organising and managing an efficient army, and there are at
any given moment a score of men in the City of London, who
could carry out the work with perfect ease.--_Daily Paper,
November 19, 1891_.]

SCENE--_The Army Universal Provision Company Limited (Managing
Director, Mr. BLACKLEY). Enter Recruit in Department No.
1. He looks round him surprised at the business-like activity
that greets him on every side._

_Foreman_ (_politely_). Anything I can do for you, Sir, to-day?
We have an assortment of Queen's Shillings fresh from the Mint.
Curiosities, Sir, quite out of date, but interesting. Can I tempt you?

_Recruit_ (_with some hesitation_). Well, I thought of joining the
Army, and--

_Foreman_ (_interrupting_). Certainly, Sir. Doctor in that room.
Magistrate in that. Be medically passed and sworn to allegiance while
you wait. (_Ushers Recruit into various Departments--whence he emerges
duly enrolled_.) And now, Sir, which branch of the Service would you
like to see?

_Recruit_. Well, I did think of the Tenth Hussars.

_Foreman_ (_promptly_). Quite right, Sir. First-class Regiment,
commanded by His Royal Highness Field Marshal the Prince of
WALES. (_To Assistant._) Show this gentleman the way to the
outfitting-room--Tenth Hussars.

[_Recruit in less than no time is fitted out. On his return
to the Central Hall he is once more greeted by a principal
official._

_Foreman_. Now, Sir, you would like to learn your drill?

_Recruit_. Well, yes--

_Foreman_. Quite so. We teach it in six easy lessons, at twelve
shillings a lesson. You can pay for it either out of your reserved
pay, or now. If the latter, we allow five per cent. discount.

_Recruit_ (_without hesitation_). I think I will pay it later.

_Foreman_ (_putting up his receipt-book_). Certainly, Sir, No
difference to us. And now, Sir, perhaps you will take your lessons.

[_Recruit goes through a course which soon puts him to-rights.
At the end he shakes Foreman warmly by the hand._

_Recruit_. You are sure that I really know my drill?

_Foreman_. Quite. Why, Sir, you are letter perfect. And now, is there
anything more we can do for you?

_Recruit_. Well, I did join the Army with the intention of going to
the wars.

_Foreman_ (_apologetically_). Very sorry, Sir, but we haven't the
article on hand just at