*

SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION!

(_A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY._)

The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good
Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation--an ample one--from the
Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of
the world to the other. At length he appeared before them.

[Illustration]

"What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone
with benevolence.

"You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are
numerous, and difficult to meet?"

"Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that you are
about to ask me for a subscription."

"Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes
filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five pounds?"

"Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What is five
pounds?--_five thousand_ is much more like the figure! Now, I will
give you five thousand pounds on one condition."

"Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath.

"The simplest thing in the world," continued the Millionnaire. "I
will give you five thousand pounds on the condition that you get
ninety-nine other fellows to do the same. Nay, you shall thank me when
all is collected. I can wait till then."

* * * * *

The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. Since then
the Deputation have been waiting for the other fellows--and so has the
Millionnaire!

* * * * *

PROFESSOR V. PROFESSOR.

PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the _tuberculosis_
remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that there is not only "much
virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing
with SWINBURNE:--

"Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW."

* * * * *

THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER.

(_IMITATION SAPPHICS SOME WAY AFTER CANNING AND FRERE._)

[Illustration: _Wordy Knife-Grinder_. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE
NONE TO TELL, SIR!"]

_Friend of Ireland_:--

"Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going?
Dark is your way--your wheel looks out of order--
Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell in
O'BRIEN's breeches!

"Wordy Knife-Grinder, little think the proud ones,
Who in their speeches prate about their Union-
Ism, what hard work 'tis to keep a Party
Tightly together!