t governments, met for the purpose of
dispassionately discussing the merits of grave international
questions. He had become wearied over such a useless waste of time,
had purchased a whole library of law books (which he hoped never
hereafter to have occasion to use), and must content himself with
honor for his recompense. Now he was willing to submit to the world
whether there could be any honor conferred upon him by sitting from
day to day, listening, at the same time using every effort to keep
awake, to the legal _cross-shots_ of gentlemen not inclined to agree
to anything. The Umpire ended in a voice deep and musical, drew
himself again into his attitude of contemplation, and like an Egyptian
Sphinx seemed gravely studious with himself.

"The American Commissioner approved of all that had fallen from the
lips of the honorable gentleman. So did the English Commissioner, who
suspended his little amusement of the quill and the peas, and
commenced examining the pages of his Vattel. Having laid aside the
paper spyglass, our English agent rose quickly to his feet, and with
eyes darting legal tenacity, said he had a few remarks to make in
reply to what he considered had very improperly fallen from the lips
of his legal brother. He did not intend disrespect to the very
honorable Umpire, nor the gentlemen Commissioners, when he said that
the rules on which the business of the Commission had been conducted
seemed to him to be a complete mumble, growing deeper and deeper with
difficulties. Language had been used in that forum which would be more
genially localized in Whitechapel, Drury Lane, St. Giles's, or the
Surrey Side: he was sorry to see his transatlantic brother so familiar
with the piquant jargon of those atmospheres it were well not to be
too familiar with.

"'May it please the Umpire, I ask the protection of this tribunal from
any such imputation as the gentleman's insinuation would leave me
under,' said the General, almost bursting of anger.

"There seemed to be a nice little difficulty brewing, which threatened
a readier dispatch of business than that which had marked their
efforts in the settlement of claims outstanding. Here again the
Umpire, with the aid of his two Commissioners, interposed for the
peace and respectability of Mr. Pierce's family. And here Mr. Smooth
is happy beyond his power of expression to state, that after a very
few unmeaning explanations, the gentlemen Councillors bowed politely
to each