d to General Pierce.]

[Note II.--The fastidious--I mean those rather inclined to facts, may,
to please their peculiar taste, transfer the scene of Mr. Secretary
Bolt's exploits to Paris; they may also add a date more modern.]

CHAPTER XXII.

HOW SMOOTH GOT HIS MANNERS.

"Readers, and fellow citizens of these United States in general! know
ye, that I, Solomon Smooth, in the first person singular, as Uncle Sam
Houston used to say, being worn out with the fatigues of the
Ostend-Aix-la-Chapelle Congress, crossed the Atlantic in two
steamships--wanted to do both a good turn--got busted up by
neither--and at last found myself calmly luxuriating in the velvet and
damask of the 'White House.' By way of keeping up the spirit of Young
America, I knocked down all the attendants, stalked in like an
independent citizen who felt he was part owner of the establishment,
spread myself upon the softest sofa, and demanded the flunkey, who
stood trembling in the doorway, to bring me a Turkey ottoman, on which
to advantageously take the measure of my extremes. Believe me, Sam, I
went it in the way of comforts. The flunkey shook his head, and kept
up a significant silence. This was rather too much for the patience of
any respectable gentleman; and being aware that the Gineral had not
larned him proper manners, I got up and brought it myself. Nor yet did
it seem just the thing--something was wanting to complete the
free-and-easy, to which end I pulled out a real Havana regalia, and
puffed away so comfortably. Then I ordered the flunkey, whose hair was
seen stiffening on his head with fright, to bring me a spittoon--felt
sorry I neglected to import one from some of our European
Legations!--or I'd hurl the liquid every which way--perhaps storm his
high-colored Persian rugs! I was about to lay off in the very bliss of
comfort, when Pierce, followed by his black pig, came laraping into
the room, looking as amiable and undecided as ever. 'Smooth,' he
exclaimed, greeting me with a heartiness of hand little expected, 'I
am so glad to see you home once more!' Here he suddenly paused, gave
out ominous looks, lowered his voice to a whisper, and continued: 'In
the name of forgiveness, where did you contract such manners?' A
little cold sweat bespread his brow just then. 'Upon the faith of my
high position,' he continued, 'I thought my sending you to Europe
would have proved a polishing machine, and prepared you for shining in
society.'