d must be a man of
profound opinions: tell us, are we going to get fuzzled up in the
breakers on the other side of the big pond?' inquired the Gineral,
looking so serious that Smooth made it a point to get his ideas
squared up.

"'Somethin for us citizens to have a go-in-at, you means, I s'pose?'

"'Yes!' replied the Gineral.

"Smooth reckoned 'twas best to have an understanding about how much he
was going to get from Uncle Sam's chink-locker for doing the thrashing
for these United States afore he said much about what was going on in
the world. Uncle Sam was a good old soul, and, seeing that he did not
keep the best cash account in the world, Smooth had no objection to
entering into the tin business with him, now that he had a large stock
on hand. Smooth, however, must make one single proviso, and that is,
that he be always permitted to work out the p's and q's of his own
demands.

"'Ah!' replied the Gineral, good-naturedly; 'Smooth, you're a sharp
fellow, with gumption enough to see through a thing or two; but
remember, if we contract for the licking, with some enterprising
individual, we must pay by measurement. There's the democracy to
please, the country to satisfy, Young America to provide with clean
shirts! I thought my gallant fellow Hollins would have done that when
I sent him to _let strip_ at the Greytowners; but, as the result was
different, a body can't always tell how such things 'll turn, I now
think of letting him out to the Emperor of Russia, who having granted
him means of developing his fighting capacity, by investing him with
full power to thrash the allied fleets of England and France, would
not hesitate to pay a large amount of revenue into the treasury of
these United States for his daring services. But you see, Smooth, my
government is merely an experiment, which may or may not please, and
in this sense your experience will be extremely valuable.'

"Smooth saw Mr. President Pierce wanted experience; but, at the same
time, he was fearful the General would get the points, and out-general
him. However, as it was always better to have confidence in each other
when pursuing a political question, and knowing the General to be a
sort of clever fellow, ready to do almost anything, he entered upon
the decyphering. There was the S.S.S. (Sickles, Souley, and Saunders)
Company, doing a slap-up business in Europe! He must have them thrown
in. While the head of the firm was generously lending a hand to t