Mr. Smooth, why (here Belhash wiped
his face with a flashy Spitalfields) the Rector used to get all his
tea smuggled; nor a bit of harm did he think it. But, times ain't as
they wos then, nor did folks deal so much in politics and Yankee
notions.' Here the Squire gave his head a significant twist, as his
face glowed as expressive as a fatherly pumpkin of venerable
age. After another dissertation on the mode of administering the laws
of the land, he invited me into his law establishment, which was the
kitchen of a somewhat dilapidated farm-house, of very small
dimensions, clapboarded and shingled after the old style. I (Smooth)
said there could be no objections to this proceeding, and so,
following him very cheerfully into the kitchen, he fussed about for
some time among what seemed the cookery arrangements, and at length
drew from a chest that stood firmly fixed under an old deal table near
a spacious fire-place, in which was a monster back-log, from behind
which the ferret eyes of three mischievous urchins peered curious and
comical, his judicial suit. Again from the chest the Squire drew forth
a large steel chain, and a very mysterious-looking book, and began
decorating himself in the most shocking manner. This done, he repaired
to the door, in all his profuseness, and seated himself on a block of
wood just outside, where as if suddenly becoming conscious of the
absence of something very necessary to his personal appearance, he
doffed his coat, rolled up his shirt-sleeves, and what, readers, do
you suppose he commenced doing?--Getting up the dignity! With nothing
less than a pound of chalk before him, he commenced polishing up a
steel chain that might on an emergency have served to chain up a very
large bull-dog; but the Squire adapted it to the more fashionable use
of adorning himself, and making safe his ponderous pinchbeck
watch. Belhash now puffed, and blowed, and swore, and sweated, and
piled on the chalk, and rubbed and tugged criss-crass his knee, until,
with the motion and fritting, he had well nigh covered his cloth with
the white substance, from the knee downward. Getting it to the dignity
point of brightness he invited me back into his forum, which served
the double purpose of kitchen and law-shop. Here he again smothered
himself in an extra coat of judicial homespun, and solicited my
assistance in securing the bandanna tight about his neck. 'I looks
somethin' of a judge, I take it, now?' he said, waiting my