revolutionary business, into which members of
the house had largely entered, had brought it into all sorts of
difficulties and disgraces. Again it was currently reported that, for
being too deeply engaged in the affairs of others, two of the smaller
functionaries had found themselves locked up in a police-station, and
only unlocked themselves with that protection which the sacred
character of the mission is supposed to grant:--in fact, General, and
I advance the intimation for your own good, the only thing in real
good order was the smoking and spitting department. In Paris the house
was a dead lock, inasmuch as the head couldn't understand a word the
French said, either about himself or his government; while the retinue
were all familiarly known at the cafes. In Madrid, the head of the
house, not having the value of discretion before his eyes, had fuzzled
away all his influence, having fought sundry duels, written himself
down an ass in controversy with editors, and failed in his proposal to
build up a young republic on the ruins of an old and dissolute
monarchy. Forcibly as the truth may depict our singular
misrepresentation abroad, we cannot forbear to say, that, so far did
this very French-American representative carry his fighting
proclivities, that a single instance of their being excelled--our
fighting London Secretary, who had challenged a score of very aged
gentlemen (and had been equally courageous were they double the age!)
without finding a single one to accept--could not be found. At the
Hague, the very respectable Hebrew gentleman, who conducted the
affairs of the house, had opened a barber-shop, where needy gentlemen
could be shaved _ad libitum_--provided always they brought a certain
description of notes, nor were dainty about how much were taken off
the corner. The house at Lisbon, report said, had got into very
orderly disorder, which was not in accordance with the character of
the very respectable Irish gentleman who kept it, and who could absorb
whiskey and tobacco with any other respectable gentleman from
Kilkenny. To the denizens, among whom he had made an extensive
acquaintance, his being an American and speaking such very good Irish
and bad English was a perfect mystery. You may be sure he likes well
his situation, and finds the duties of a Minister Extraordinary much
preferable to leading the retreat of a _pampero_ expedition.' Here the
General significantly opened one eye and shut the other: 'On