mism as fast as possible--I
took a stroll to the seat of war, contenting myself with the hope that
something would ultimately turn up. The fact was, I meant to follow
the policy of the Aberdeen government when starving to death one of
the bravest armies that ever faced a foe. Instead of expanding plains
and undulating hills, such as Smooth had pictures to his mind in his
boyhood, I found the seat of war an ungainly mud-puddle, with ramparts
of savage-looking citizens menacing each other from its opposite
banks. Between these banks the amusement of war was every now and then
kept up with doubtful results. That something more than ordinary was
to pay I felt assumed by the grimaces of the contending parties, and
feeling a deep interest in the cause, I vaulted into the mist of a
group on the left bank, so singularly mixed that their identity as
allies could not be mistaken. To the question as to what brought them
there, they answered with unintelligible assertions about the
issue--the balance, of power--the _status quo_ of Europe, and nobody
knows how many more things that were to remain unmoved. The best that
could be made of it was, that the atmosphere of kings and emperors was
filled with very explosive matter which they thought it best to let
off in this sort, of way. If, according to Mr. Smooth's philosophy,
Europe were to remain in _status quo_, that spirit of progress so much
beloved by Mr. Pierce, and his family must die, a natural death. Was
it not singular that the least discussed issue, the most prominent one
of the war, according to Smooth's opinion, was in regard to who should
be the greatest toad in the European puddle? Your European puddle is
no ordinary affair; kings and emperors only dabble in it at the
expense of their people. I viewed with some interest this European
cesspool. In the centre there was seated on a pole, with his arms
folded, and having an air of assumed independence, a corpulent old
gentleman, whose face fused broad and red, like a full moon in
harvest-time. This very honorable gentleman had long esteemed himself
the largest toad in the European puddle, and was worthily sensitive of
his position, though he at times exercised it to a bad purpose. He was
notoriously square-shouldered, had beer'd a great deal during his
life, and could be as obstinate as a well-fed donkey. Indeed, he had
more than once been known to put his finger in his mouth and look
serious when great events demanded prompt