than his predecessor, who, having ascended from the soap
business, and himself used a large amount of that article for the
purpose of washing down the wares of Threadneedle street, found his
greatest difficulty that of getting rid of the foetid scent. And then,
my Lord's h's were the things most violently handled; for otherwise he
wasn't a bad fellow, and when he rode in his coach of the olden time,
which might, by the green in mythology, have been taken for the lost
chariot of Elijah, it was a serious question whether himself or the
things that held on behind were greatest. Then these latter gents of
flunkeydom in frills had big sticks in their hands, with which they
kept the flies from my Lord's good-natured countenance. Happy fellows
were they, and, like well-stuffed mules, only wanted the long soft
ears to make them marketable. Everybody said it was a big day in
London. To have suggested that his Worship might be making an ass of
himself in this common-sense nineteenth century would have been to
render yourself a victim of hasty contempt. Smooth was just taking a
contemplative view of these things,--asking himself how many poor
wretches would lose a day's work over the nonsense; how many would get
drunk on the hallucination of the show; how many poor mechanics would
make a blue week to his Lordship's honor; and how many would find
themselves in the House of Correction to his disgrace--how many
employers would be annoyed,--how many customers would be
disappointed--and how many wives would get broken heads; when suddenly
a crowd of filthy, dejected, and ruthless beings swept along in mass,
heedless of whatever came in their way, and threatening life and limb
in the onset. Then there came such a smashing of maids' bonnets,
squeezing of milliners, and frightening of old maids, as never was
seen before; indeed, this, added to the many well-jammed ribs and
jostled beavers, seemed the most expensive part of my Lord's show.
Summing the whole thing up in a logical sort of way, Smooth made it
amount to this:--that the Lord Mayor, just mounting into greatness,
could by no means make that greatness impressive by any knowledge of
philosophy he possessed; so, to be sure that his importance had its
force upon all vulgar minds, he suffered himself made to play the part
of a monkey in a cake-shop. To this his Worship added the greater
gratification of having given amusement to nine-tenths of the city
costermongers, made idle seven-t